Three Words
by Brinkmess
Summary: Saix is used to being alone and never having to feel. But when Xemnas offers him a chance at happiness, will he manage to find the right words to express himself? XemSai, Rated M for later chaps.
1. Hollow

The first of what I hope to be many fics. It's not very long...but it will be once I add more to it. I'm going for at least three chapters, and since this is a Xem/Sai fic, I'm praying it will get good revs.

I do not own any of these of these characters belong to the people who worked oh so hard making KHII.

Rated M for later chapters

Revised a few things here and there. Aug 5 2010

* * *

Three Words

Chapter 1

As far as everyone knew; Saix was the quiet one in the organization. He hardly ever spoke to anyone. Whenever Saix did converse, the conversation was short and would end early. So it was no surprise that in the whole organization; Saix had no real companions. He was alone. Always alone, and as far as anyone cared, if they cared at all; Saix didn't mind being by himself. They all figured that's just how he liked it.

But this was merely an assumption, and a bad one at that.

It was another dreary day at the World That Never Was. Raining, cold, empty, dark, and lifeless…just as usual. Saix sighed, pulling himself away from the open window as it began to rain harder. It was morning, though one couldn't really tell since it was always dark, and already Saix was wishing the day had ended. He shook his head in a attempt to get some of his messy blue hair out of the way. No good. He sighed again. Today was going to be another long day.

A few hours managed drag by. Since there was really nothing to do, Saix decided to just simply wander, walking down a long hallway, not really caring where it lead him. Today was especially quiet. Too quiet. Saix thought for a moment and realized something; he had not seen another member of Organization XIII so far. Where could they all be? The floating castle was big, but it was still odd to not come across someone. Saix couldn't help but wonder where they were. Nothing came to mind.

The day would have continued on as... boring, long, and dull. And Saix wouldn't have minded either. He could handle another lonely day, he was used to it. But it wasn't going to continue that way.

"Number VII," a calm deep voice echoed.

Saix instantly came to a halt. He recognized that voice anywhere; the voice of his Superior. Xemnas. Saix turned around to face the man behind him.

Xemnas stood there, his face calm and peaceful, yet harsh and cruel. His silky silver hair covered small parts of his face. Two amber eyes were fixated on Saix, causing him to feel a bit unsure…nervous.

"Number I," Saix said. his voice was emotionless as ever.

Xemnas nodded his head. He walked over to Saix. The two were now face to face.

"What are you doing here,' Xemnas suddenly asked. His expression changed to a more concerning look.

"What do you mean," Saix asked. He began to feel a bit nervous. Had there been a meeting he wasn't aware of? Perhaps that was the reason Xemnas was here? Saix was wondering whether or not he would dread what his Superior was going to say.

Xemnas gave Saix a confused look, as if he couldn't understand what he was telling him. He frowned.

"You mean you didn't know," he asked.

"Didn't know what," Saix asked honestly. Already he was beginning to regret asking the question. He knew he wouldn't enjoy the answer.

Xemnas sighed, as if telling Saix the answer would be a difficult chore. Saix lowered his head.

"There is a party on the lower levels," Xemnas answered, "dedicated entirely to Number XIII, something about his right of passage…"

Six's eyes widened. So that's where the other members were.

"I arrived only for a few minutes, I thought I saw you there," Xemnas continued, oblivious to Saix's expression, "but I guess I was wrong…a truly rare occasion."

Xemnas continued talking away, but Saix was finding it hard to pay attention. Saix felt a hot stinging sensation in his chest. False anger was filling him. after much thought, Saix chose to ignore it and continued his attention his leader, the last thing he wanted was to upset Xemnas.

"…so why aren't you at the party," Xemnas asked. The question he didn't want to hear had been asked. He had to answer.

Saix didn't want to answer. It was so obvious; he wasn't invited to the party. He couldn't help wonder why Xemnas was even asking him. Surely he knew; he knew everything that went on in the castle. Xemnas would know who was who on popularity. But in that case; there was no problem in telling him, right? After all, if he did know, then there would be no embarrassment. No mockery. No real humiliation.

Saix answered, "I didn't know about the party."

Xemnas stared at Saix with an interesting look. He nodded his head and smiled. "So my assumption was correct," he said.

"Yes," Saix answered. A sinkning sensation; he was getting upset.

The smile on Xemnas' face began to fade.

"That," Xemnas said, "is a real shame. I was hoping you wouldn't say that."

Saix was shocked. What has the Superior just said? Did he not know? But how could he? A hot sensation began to fill him. Embarrassment, and even though it wasn't real, it still hurt. A lot.

"Why," Saix found himself asking aloud. Whether the question was directed to himself or Xemnas was unknown.

"Are you upset," he heard the Superior ask.

No, he couldn't be upset. He could 'feel' upset, but all of that was just him being weak. He had to think of something else, ignore it. Look away.

Saix found himself staring at the floor. He couldn't look his Superior in the face. Even though he lacked a heart, he still felt something. Although it was a lie, it still stung him and caused him pain. So much pain. Anger. Hatred. Humiliation. So many negative feelings were swirling around inside of him and no mater how hard he tried to ignore them, at least one overpowered him. Right now he wanted nothing more than to disappear, to warp himself away from Xemnas and to somewhere private. Anywhere but here.

Two gloved hands gently grabbed Saix's face and held his head up. Saix stared at Xemnas' upset face. Saix looked deep into the others eyes. The same amber eyes that had made him nervous now seemed to comfort him. They looked upset, as if they could feel what he was experiencing.

"You know, Number VII," Xemnas said, "It almost hurts me to see you this way."

Hurt? The word seemed so strange to be coming from the Superior.

"I respect you," Xemnas continued, "more than I respect my own colleagues. They've changed; they've become weak." Xemnas pulled Saix closer to him. "But you," he said in a much more emotional tone, "you're not weak. You understand your position… and although you don't wish to embrace it, you still try to exist with it. You try to hide your false emotions, you try to be strong." Xemnas smiled at Saix. A different kind of smile; one much more welcoming to him. "It's relieving to me," He said, "to know that I'm not the only one here that is worthy of a heart.

"I dislike it," Xemnas said in a darker tone, "the way the others treat you, especially since their reasons are so.." Xemnas paused for a moment, trying to think of a word fitting for the other members. "Pathetic," he finally answered.

"And what is that reason," Saix asked, unsure of himself.

"It's because they know you're better than them," Xemnas answered. "They know you're more powerful, more capable, and they hate it." Xemnas frowned. "Since I'm the Superior, I'm respected…but you don't have that status."

Saix was… surprised, to say the least. He had always seen himself as an equal in power and capability. He couldn't believe the others saw him differently. But the Superior wasn't really one to give compliments; so it had to be true, right?

"And then, there's their favorite reason," Xemnas said.

Saix swallowed hard. For some reason, a part of him was eager to know, but why, he had no idea.

"They know that I respect you," Xemnas finally answered. "They know I'd throw them away to save you, they know they're nothing compared to you in my eyes, and they know that even though I lack true feelings… I care deeply for you."

Saix took a deep breath. He no longer felt upset, not after what Xemnas has just said. But he didn't feel good either. Xemnas had said many unusual things in the past, things he didn't quite understand, but this was different. He knew exactly what those words meant. He could remember when he did have a heart, what those words lead to.

It had to be something else.

"Superior," Saix said. He wanted to ask what the words meant, if they meant something else. But he didn't get a chance. Warm lips pressed against his, stopping him from continuing. Saix tried to back away, but the hands that had once cupped his cheeks were now wrapping around his waist. He felt his face heat up. An odd feeling began to burn inside of him. He could easily guess what the feeling was, and despite his better judgement, he decided to go with it.

Slowly, Saix found himself wrapping his arms around the others waist. His eyes closed, his breathing fastened. He felt Xemnas' tounge press against his lips. Saix welcomed Xemnas in, blushing even more. Saix could taste Xemnas inside him, exploring him, craving him. Saix soon found himself doing the same. It felt so…

And then it ended, and with Xemnas being the one to pull away. The two both began to take deep breaths; staring back at each other. Yellow eyes and amber.

Xemnas placed a gloved hand on Saix cheek. Saix stared at Xemnas, waiting to hear what he would say. What was going to happen now?

"You don't have to be alone," Xemnas said. "If you need a companion, even if it's just mutual, I'd be willing to fill that roll." Xemnas placed a kiss on Saix's forehead. " Would you like that," he asked politely.

Warmth filled Saix chest. The words enveloped the empty void inside him, replacing pain with something else. Could it be happiness?

Hot, stinging tears ran down Saix's cheeks. He took a breath, trying his best to hold it in, but it was no use. He was going to cry, whether he liked it or not. He grabbed Xemnas, hugging him tightly. He would have been so embaressed if anyone were around.

"Yes," he murmered into Xemnas' chest, "I…really would."

Xemnas smiled kindly and kissed Saix on the lips.

Saix closed his eyes, trying his best as to not cry and ruin this moment. He couldn't think of anything worse than breaking down in front of Xemnas, showing a more weaker, emotional side. But, in the end, he did find himself letting more tears run down his face. and although it did bother him to and extent; he felt rather comfortable.

He wasn't alone anymore.

...

Right?

* * *

Wow...this story sucks. How cliche can this story get? Lol, well, aside from a few changes here and there, I won't be messing around with this story so much.


	2. Crack

Another chapter. That's so nice. hopefully there will be more too.

Disclaimer- I do not own any of these character. They all belong to Square...and I think Disney. At least Sora does, but he really isn't part of the story.

Nothing bad in this chapter.

Added some much needed breakers. 8-5-2010

* * *

Three Words

Chapter 2

There really wasn't much difference between those who had hearts and those who lack. The nobodies had been told otherwise, but in the end; they were still the cruel people they had been before their hearts were stolen; only now they lacked an excuse to be wretched to one another.

Xemnas had watched as more members joined each one with their own background, beliefs, hopes, dreams…and it was strange watching them. He stared at their smiles, tears listened to their laughter and there stories; and it only made him wonder. What was driving them? How could they react to certain things when they lacked the ability to? No hearts should mean emptiness…no pain or sorrow. Nothing. But he saw something completely different.

Had he been wrong? Had he made mistakes when experimenting on the heartless and his leader's people? It just didn't make sense to him. There had to be a reason. But what was it?

And then, one day; he came up with a theory…

* * *

Saix couldn't believe how much had changed in a week. So many things had happened in such a short amount of time. So many interesting things…

Saix opened hi eyes and looked down at the figure below him. Number XIII stood there, the only one standing in the center, surrounded by all his fellow nobodies. Except one. There was another seat, besides Axels, that wasn't occupied. Number XIII; Roxas' seat…and it hadn't been occupied for a while.

Roxas had left the organization. Just three days after the party, the young boy had disappeared. Many thought he would return in a few hours, thinking he was just upset over something. Then a few hours passed by and he was still gone. Fear followed, Roxas must be lost or had been attacked. The whole castle went into an uproar and everyone had begun searching for him. More hours went by and then it was realized that Axel was also nowhere to be found. An hour passed; Axel arrives. A few days follow; nobody is allowed near Axel's room. Today, Xemnas orders a special meeting. And here Saix was, staring down at the upset man.

How strange it seemed, for once, Saix was looking down at someone. And he wasn't the only one either. Others were giving concerned, curious, and hateful looks at Axel. And Saix had to admit, to a certain extent, it was good not being the hated member for once. Someone else was the outcast, at least for now he was. Who knew what would happen once the meeting was over.

"...And you just let him leave, without even attempting to stop him," Xemnas asked the redhead. Xemnas leaned forward, his attention focused at the silent nobody. "Well," he said, "Care to explain?"

"I can't," Axel answered weakly, looking away from the Superior. He lowered his head, trying his beast to avoid the stares glaring at him. "You have to understand; I wanted to…but…"

Saix looked around the meeting room once more, his eyes shifting to the next member. They all seemed upset, which was rather understandable considering it was the keyblade bearer that had run off; their only hope of obtaining their hearts. Even he was feeling a bit nervous. Now what would happen to them?

"So you didn't stop him because of those words," Xemnas asked, lifting an eyebrow at Axel. "This is your reason?"

Axel nodded his head. Saix couldn't help but notice the strange look in his eyes; Axel was sad. No, more than that.

Saix closed his eyes, upset that he hadn't been paying attention. It wasn't like him to not, but now…He slowly shook his head. What had made Axel so upset? Perhaps it was what Roxas had told him…but what did he tell him? Damn. Saix gave a long sigh, opening his eyes and making sure to pay attention to the meeting.

"I'm disappointed in you Axel," Xemnas said. His voice had a dark hint to it, and it was enough to cause Axel to go pale. Xemnas smiled at the young man. "But," he added, "You do not need to worry of a punishment. No, as much as you deserve to be punished for your misguided action, I can not allow it…for now that is."

"Superior," a voice yelled out. It was Vexen. "He has willingly let a valuable member escape the organization. Surely you must realize that-"

"Did I give you permission to speak," Xemnas asked. He turned his head slowly at the Chilly Academic. He held a very grim expression. Vexen pushed himself as far back into his seat as he could. Xemnas smirked.

"No," Vexen finally said. "Please forgive my…interruption."

"You're forgiven Number VI," Xemnas said, "and Axel…"

Axel looked up at the Superior. He no longer looked pale and nervous; rather, he seemed more confused than anything. "Yes," he asked.

"We will need to meet at my office at a later time," Xemnas said.

"Yes sir," Axel said.

"You may take a seat," Xemnas said. Axel immediately began moving away from the centre, hurrying over to his chair. While Axel was doing so, Xemnas looked all around at the members. They all stared back at him, most of them giving Xemnas a rather curious look. Of course, as soon as Xemnas made eye contact with them, their expression dwindled.

And then, Xemnas' eyes met Saix. Saix was one of the few who lacked that curious look, but when amber met yellow, Saix was quick to look away. He couldn't help it. No, he wasn't afraid of his Superior, no, it was much more different. As soon as he felt it was safe, Saix looked back at his Superior, who was now looking away. Embarrassing, simply embarrassing. Saix could feel a hot sensation building up in his chest. A lot had changed in a week…Saix's and Xemnas' relationship for example…

"Now; now we all know why Roxas is gone," Xemnas said, "And by all means, I will promise his return to the organization." Xemnas stared at his fellow nobodies. "But first; we much go over what is most important now-that is; Castle Oblivion…"

* * *

Saix walked down the long hallway once the meeting was over. The very same hallway he and Xemnas kissed. He closed his eyes, the image materializing in his mind. He bit his lip, remembering the meeting. Why did he do that, surely someone had noticed? And what would Xemnas think of him? Saix frowned; disappointed at himself. Xemnas had been so kind to him the past week…and Saix was cruel enough to not make eye contact with him. Saix would have to explain himself to his Superior, once he was done with Axel of course…

Saix slowly walked down some stair that would take him outside the castle. The past week had been very nice. Xemnas was always there when he was alone, always entertaining him somehow. Even when they were just talking about Kingdom Hearts, it was something Saix enjoyed. The company, the attention, it was all new to him. Morley, the attention…that was something on a different scale. Most of the time, it was just a simple kiss, usually on the cheek, sometimes on the lips, but always soft and gentle. Strange and invasive at first, but eventually Saix found himself enjoying them. But then something different happened. Xemnas had kissed him…the same way he had seven days ago; strong, deep, and very passionate. But it wasn't the same, there seemed to be more to it…and then he screwed up by asking;

_"What was that,"_ he had asked, _"What…what does it mean?"_

And now, he couldn't look his Superior in the face. He was ashamed of himself to say the least. How pathetic…why did the Superior see so much in him? He was a screw-up, a loner, an outcast to his own kin, an emotionally unstable man. What could he possibly see in him?

Saix suddenly found himself in the middle of the dark city. He looked around; he was the only living life form in the area. Good, he thought to himself. Saix looked up and stared at the sky. So dark, lacking stars and a moon, yet it seemed so peaceful. And it was perfect; it complimented the city…the whole world in so many ways. It even complimented him. Empty…as it all should be.

"Why do you stare at the void," he heard the familiar calm voice ask. Saix turned around and faced Xemnas. Xemnas had a peculiar look on his face. He had no idea what Saix was doing.

"I like it," Saix said," It makes me feel…at peace."

"Does it," the man asked. He walked closer to the Luna Diviner. "I think it lacks something."

"And what is that," Saix asked.

"A moon," he answered simply. He looked up at the dark sky briefly before looking back at Saix. "A moon would really make this empty world appear more…lively."

"Don't you have the power to make one," Saix asked, "this is your world, you can add one if it pleases you."

"I do plan to create one," Xemnas said smiling, "But not for awhile, not till I obtain more hearts."

"Sir," Saix asked, "I don't quite understand."

"You will soon," Xemnas said. Xemnas moved in on Saix and placed a kiss on the man's cheek. Saix felt his face heat up, causing the other to chuckle. Xemnas lifted Saix's head up with his gloved hand. He stared deeply into the man's bright yellow eyes. So many lovely images passed through his mind…Xemnas sighed, letting go of Saix, causing him to falter a little. "Saix," Xemnas said," Do you remember what I told you when you were upset?"

"Yes," Saix answered immediately, "You asked if I would accept you as a companion…someone I could be with, and even if-"

"That good," Xemnas said," you remembered it all."

"I didn't even finish," Saix said. He stared at his Superior, wondering if there was a problem. The memory of the meeting resurfaced once more in Saix's mind.

"Saix," Xemnas said. His voice sounded so gentle and kind. "At the meeting-"

"My apologies," Saix said, "I wasn't trying to be rude at all by avoiding your glance. Please forgive me."

Saix stared at Xemnas' concerned look. He frowned at the Luna Diviner. Xemnas grabbed Saix and kissed him on the lips, this time, a bit more forceful. He felt Saix submit and let him enter his hot mouth. It was just so easy, but never satisfying. Xemnas wrapped his arms around the other, his eyes focused on the others. No, this wasn't helping at all…he needed to know, ignorance wouldn't please him one bit.

Xemnas pulled himself away again, appearing more upset than before. Saix blushed, unsure of what he should say or do.

"Saix," Xemnas finally said," What if I can't uphold my promise?"

"What do you mean," Saix asked, forgetting what his Superior had just done to him. What exactly did his superior mean?

"I told you I would be your "friend", if it made you happy," Xemnas said in a less calm voice. He stared sadly at Saix. "But what if I'm not happy?"

Saix tried backing away but found he unable to as Xemnas had taken hold of his arm. A tight, firm grip. Saix looked at his Superior.

"I told you that you were special to me," Xemnas said, his eyes glowing brightly at Saix. "Surely, you realize what I meant?"

"Yes," Saix said, looking away from his Superior. "I'm aware of what it means…and I think I know why you're not happy…"

"Tell me," Xemnas said, "Tell me how much you care for me…"

Saix's eyes widened. This was very unexpected. "What do you want me to say," He asked, "You know I care for you, more than anything. You know I enjoy the relationship we share would be upset if it were to change back to the way it once was." Saix frowned, unsure of what to say next. "What else can I possibly tell you," he asked.

"Tell me," Xemnas said slowly, "Tell me…you love me."

Unbelievable. Saix felt a heat rush race inside him. He knew now what to say. He should tell Xemnas the words. He should…but there was something stopping him. Something that made him wonder if he should say the words. He knew he cared for Xemnas, and he enjoyed the attention the man gave him. He liked it…but was he…in love with it? It was his superior, so naturally, he wanted to please him, but as a possible lover? And then rose a new question; could he even love to begin with? He lacked a heart; all he had were memories of emotion…all except love. He had never experienced such an emotion.

"I…can't," Saix said finally, lowering his head. He pushed Xemnas away, looking away from the man, trying to avoid eye contact. He felt that stinging sensation again, only this time it was much worse. Much more painful. "I can't love," he said. "It is…impossible for me conjure up such a feeling."

Xemnas stared weakly at Saix. He seemed hurt by the few words Saix has spoken.

"Xemnas…Superior," Saix said, "You said I try to hide my emotions, but not right now. Not at this moment. I want to love you, but I don't know what it is…and how can I lie to you like that?" Saix felt tears gather in his eyes. Not again, not now, why of all times. " I can't lie to you, you who has done so much for me…," Saix took a deep breath, "…you understand…right?"

Xemnas, surprisingly, nodded his head, resistant, but accepting what he had been told. He had no choice. He knew he couldn't force Saix, especially if the man knew nothing to begin with. But what was he to do….

"Saix," Xemnas said, "What if you knew? If you knew what love was, had memories of it, would you be able to love me?"

Saix watched the man's eyes dimly light up with hope. So strange, so unlike his Superior. But could he love him? The man did have many good qualities, but at the same time he was the same cruel man who had lead a world to ruin. He had made him feel special…perhaps loved….but was that love? Saix had never really given anything back to Xemnas. It was all one-way.

Could he…if Xemnas gave him a chance to try it out?

...

...

"Honestly," Saix answered, "I do not know."

* * *

Reviews much appreciated.


	3. Broken

disclaimer- I dont' own anything here, just the idea.

A bit of a filler chap, but it does have important points to it. My goal is to have this couple in love with eachother soon...very soon. One can only hope.

Revised 8-5-2010

* * *

Three Words

Chapter 3

Saix stared down at the empty dark city. His eyes gazed down at the many building, the long empty alleyways, the many shops with not customers, and those lovely bright lights. He really enjoyed the lights; they were the only sign that told him it was day. Also, they brought color to the otherwise colorless word.

Saix glanced at a particular alleyway. Someone was walking down it, someone in the usual dark robes. Perhaps a fellow nobody? Saix could recall the few times were he walked along in the huge city. It was rather calming. He squint his eyes just a bit, trying to make out who it was.

Roxas? No, that couldn't be it…

The robes were definitely familiar, but the shape of the body didn't seem recognizable at all. Saix leaned forward a bit, trying to catch a better look. It didn't help much. Saix stared at the hooded figure, wondering who it could possibly be. The figure was tall and broad, so he automatically assumed Lexaeus. Who else could it possibly be? Saix decided to avert his gaze and focus on something else…

* * *

The Superior. That's who Xemnas was, and for good reason too. Xemnas stared hard at the mirror, staring deep into those amber eyes. He was the Superior. He was the strongest, wisest, most capable…hell; he created the very world that he and the other nobodies lived on. He was the Superior, and he deserved the title. That was his title…it had been placed on him and no one else.

But that _was_ the only title that had been placed on him. He was given one thing, and that was to be leader. Not a dear friend, not a lover, not anything else. He couldn't be any of those things; it just wasn't meant to be…

Xemnas closed his eyes, imagining those two sad yellow eyes that belonged to Saix. What titles was the man given? Surely he was an outcast, that was a given. Of course, the only reason Saix was seen as one was because he had placed that title on him…the other members knew Xemnas had feelings for him. But what was Saix himself? What role was he to play, if not something special to him?

Xemnas opened his eyes. He stared at the refection. What a graceful man, he thought, yet, he could be so cruel, though he hardly ever showed it.

Another thought had entered his mind. He chose his position, true, but there was another part to that. Everyone had agreed to it. Everyone in the organization obeyed him without question. Saix was a perfect example. If Saix would play a different role…no, that wasn't it. He would give him his role; he would decide what Saix would do, just as he had with other members in the past. Nobody questioned him; they all knew better to. Saix would be the same…

But was that a good idea? He cared for Saix, the sight of him in pain, would it be worth it just to have him in his arms? Or was he just being selfish?

Xemnas looked at the mirror, thinking about the whole world he had created. His world. The world he let the other nobodies live on. He wondered whether or not Saix was down there. Saix enjoyed being alone or lost in thought. It gave him inner peace. Xemnas gave a small smile at the though. He didn't want to lose Saix… physically, and emotionally.

But…

As a nobody, there could never really be a good combination of the two. And Saix really believed that he lacked the ability to feel, so it's not like he could have him emotionally to begin with. So, what he would be doing wouldn't be all that bad, right? He would look out for Saix, care for him, it would be as if they were together, just Xemnas would have to be on top of the relationship. And since Saix was in this strain of believing he couldn't feel, Xemnas could honestly say he was doing this for the mans own good. He could say all sorts of things, and guess what; nobody would dare question him.

What an evil thought. Truly, this was Xemnas' worst side, a side he never showed to anyone else. But he would soon, to Saix, that is.

* * *

"It's raining," Marluxia said from inside the castle. Saix had been staring at the city for awhile, then it began to rain…and he still stared. He was deep into thought right now. But he had heard Marluxia's shouts and decided to turn around to face him.

"Yes," he asked.

"It's raining," Marluxia said again, slightly raising an eyebrow. "You can catch a cold if you keep standing there…I mean, just look at you, you're soaked!"

"What do you care," Saix said in a very uninterested tone. He turned around and looked down at the city. It was dark and there were no longer any lights. Night.

"Well, excuse me," Marluxia said. "I was just trying to be a little decent. You should learn to do the same."

Saix sighed, trying his best to ignore Marluxia. The nobodies have been less cruel to him since he had been with Xemnas. Although he and Xemnas hadn't spoken in a few days, since the "conversation", he had still been treated as if he was still with Xemnas. Perhaps they didn't know? Or maybe they did?

And then Saix realized something, something special about Marluxia.

"Marluxia," Saix said in a very upsetting tone. He didn't want to ask, but at the same time…

"What is it," Marluxia said. He sounded a bit upset.

"You can't feel, right," Saix asked in an oh-so serious tone.

Marluxia sighed, as if a child had asked such a foolish thing. "I think you out of all people should know the answer to that," Marluxia answered snidely.

"But you always give the impression that you do," Saix said defensively. "You're always so…eccentric, and you…you…"

"I what," Marluxia asked.

An embarrassing feeling filled Saix's chest. God, he did not want to have to be the one to ask. It was so unlike him. But he had to know…

"You're always…flirting…with Number IV," Saix said while looking away. He scratched his head.

"What of it," Marluxia asked.

"I want to know," Saix asked, "what drives you? You know you can't feel, but you give the impression that you care for him…even when he hardly ever returns the favor." Saix sounded a bit desperate when asking. His face was beginning to redden a little. This was just so unlike him. What was he doing? Why was he doing this again?

Xemnas…

Marluxia's expression had changed. He no longer held the somewhat cruel look on his face. He seemed a bit more understanding. He appeared to be a bit kinder, more sympathizing.

"Why do you want to know," he asked cautiously. "It's not like you to be asking something like that. You're usually more…"

"Placid, emotionless, stoic," Saix said the words for Marluxia, " Yes, I'm aware of that."

"So why the sudden change?"

Saix thought for a moment. Why did this matter to him? Why was this just so important?

Xemnas…Xemnas…

He left the man in the dark city, alone, hurt, and without a good reason. He left there, not knowing why he had to be left alone. He was terrible.

"I want…," Saix drifted off. What did he want? Xemnas? His friendship? Things to be normal again between the two?

"I want to love him…"

Those words sounded so strange coming from him. It felt as if they didn't belong. Strangers. Even Saix himself found it odd. But not Marluxia. His expression had not altered. He seemed to understand completely, as if he could understand these strange foreign words.

"Is that it," he asked, "You're truly serious about this…?"

"Yes," Saix said in a more confident tone. He had to be sure. Something like this couldn't be taken lightly. He didn't want Xemnas to suffer; He wanted him to be happy. He wanted so much. But he wanted to be true about it. He wanted…needed to know what he was doing was real.

Marluxia leaned forward and stared hard at Saix. He smiled.

"You really want to know," Marluxia asked playfully.

"Yes," Saix said again.

"Well," Marluxia said, "In that case...there is absolutely nothing I can tell you."

* * *

Xemnas looked down the long open window. It was raining again. It was always raining in this world. Why? He had seen other worlds, worlds with light and clouds, worlds with stars…things his world lacked.

The world was a lot like him. It lacked simple things, things that make something complete. His world lacked stars, he lacked a heart. But soon he would have everything…starting with Saix.

"You called," Vexen asked.

Xemnas turned around and faced Number IV.

"Go find Saix," Xemnas commanded. "Tell him to report to my office immediately. "Tell him I will not accept any excuses."

Vexen raised an eyebrow, but dared not question his Superiors strange request. He bowed his head in respect and teleported off to go find the other nobody.

Xemnas once again turned around, continuing to stare out the window. Such an incomplete world…but soon, it too would have a sun. It would a true day. And he would have Saix. A real win-win situation for him, and with time, a win-win situation with Saix.

Saix was indeed an innocent soul. He would fight back, no doubt about it, but with time he would learn to accept. He would understand; especially if it was coming from the Superior. Sure, it wasn't the way he wanted it to be, but was there really any other choice? He needed the Luna diviner, and Saix needed him, he just didn't know it yet. But he will.

Even if he had to be the one to teach him...

* * *

Saix stared at the two large double doors that lead to Xemnas' room. He felt rather sure of himself for some odd reason. Especially after the talk with Marluxia…

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I'm sorry," Marluxia had said in a very calm tone. "But there is nothing I can really tell you."_

"_But I need something," he said in disappointment. "I can't just tell myself that this is love."_

"_I do," Marluxia said._

"_What," Saix asked._

"_I know I can't love," Marluxia said, "But I know what love is, so I know I can try to experience it. I look at Vexen and I know that what I feel is close to love, so I tell myself its love."_

"_But what if it isn't," Saix asked._

"_What if it is," Marluxia asked the upset nobody. "We can't be sure unless we have our hearts, but until then, I'll rely with what I have."_

"_And what do you rely on, Marluxia," Saix asked._

_Marluxia pondered the idea for a few moments. He shrugged a little before finally speaking to the patient man._

"_I guess the right word would be…"_

"Hope," Saix said. It was such a weak, pathetic word. Worlds fell apart, wars were lost, people died using such a weak notion. But when you come down to it, what else could he rely on? Sure, it was just hope, but it was also just hope that made Saix believe that one day, Kingdom Hearts would reveal itself. He had to believe in it.

Saix knocked on one of the huge doors. The door opened slightly, Saix took it as an invitation to enter.

Saix walked into the huge room, looking around for his Superior. He had so much to talk about. He wanted to talk to Xemnas so much. Try to fix things between them, to revive their friendship…or more. Saix stopped in the middle of the room. He seemed to be the only one in the room. Or so he thought.

"Number VII," Saix heard the familiar voice. He turned around to find Xemnas right behind him, leaning gracefully against the wall. He noticed the two amber eyes staring straight at him. Staring hard. "You came," Xemnas said. "Good."

Saix felt a cold chill run up his spine. Something was wrong. Xemnas hadn't called Saix by his number in a while. And the way he said it; it seemed so cruel.

"Number I," Saix said. He figured Xemnas was still upset. Maybe he should apologize first before trying to make amends. But first things first! Xemnas had called him, so something important had to be taken care of… "What did you need to talk about," He asked in a calm matter. As calm as he could possibly be in this strange, strained situation.

"I've been thinking," Xemnas answered. He began walking over to Saix, his eyes still holding the rather hateful look. He was angry.

"Thinking," Saix asked. Saix wanted to back up a bit. This definitely wasn't right.

"Personal matters," Xemnas continued, "between you and me, of course." He stopped suddenly. "You look nervous."

Was it that obvious? Saix swallowed. He was beginning to feel uneasy, a very bad thing when you're a berserker.

"Well," Xemnas said, "At least you're on your toes. That's good."

"It is," Saix asked.

"Yes," Xemnas answered," Especially since you should be nervous right now."

"Pardon?"

"That's why I can't help but find myself attracted to you," Xemnas said. "You're smart and very attentive…strong…but…"

But?

Xemnas met eyes with Saix. Once Saix took a good look at the two eyes, he knew what was going on. Angry, lustful eyes.

"Xemnas," Saix said nervously. He backed up a bit.

"It really is such a shame," Xemnas said. He grabbed Saix's wrist, keeping a strong grip. "You really do set yourself up, it's like you ask to be harped on by others." (Ugh)

Saix felt his whole body stiffen. He had no idea what to do. Surely, he couldn't fight back; he wouldn't stand a chance, and fighting against the superior wasn't exactly a good idea. Could he try talking it out? Would it work?

"Why do you do this to yourself," Xemnas asked, rhetorically. He yanked Saix closer to him. "Why do you let this happen?"

Saix opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He couldn't speak, not matter how much he wanted. Fear…

"It doesn't matter," Xemnas said. "You don't have to worry anymore, Saix."

He had finally said his name, but now Saix wished he hadn't he felt his blood rush. He felt himself loosing control…

"From now on, you'll never have to worry," Xemnas said. "I'll be the one to make these important decisions. Go ahead and hide your emotions, I'll express them for you. Go and be silent, I'll give you word. And don't worry about not knowing what love and pain and such, because I'm about to teach you right now what they are." He pulled Saix even closer, till the two were only inches apart. "Starting with the worst."

Saix felt agonizing pain as Xemnas forcefully pushed him against the wall. He coughed out all his air, his chest in pain when it had made contact with the concrete. Saix felt the world around him slowly beginning to spin. Dizziness taking over. He needed to fight back, go berserk. Maybe he would stand a chance.

"I wouldn't recommend that," Xemnas said, "don't make this any harder on yourself. Look where it got you…surely, you don't want it to get any worse?"

What was he suggesting, that he give up and submit? Could it even possibly get any worse? Did he really want to risk it? Saix closed his eyes and felt the energy booming in him subside.

"That's good," Xemnas said in his usual tone. "Listen and I can guarantee that you will learn…"

"Why," Saix asked.

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. He chuckled at Saix and sighed.

"Because I care," Xemnas answered. Was that really true?

"Is this really something you do to someone you love," Saix asked. Saix felt Xemnas' grip loosen a bit, not by much, but enough to ease some of the pain. He stared at the white wall, frightened and unable to look Xemnas in the face. What look was the other one wearing? Did he manage to get to Xemnas?

"Saix," Xemnas said, "Sometimes you have to hurt the ones you love, for there own good." He leaned on top of Saix, his face brushing against Saix's. "I'm doing this for you…"

Saix felt himself sink; physically, mentally, possibly even emotionally. This was it. He was going to lose himself to Xemnas…like this?

"Say those words," Saix said weakly. "Say them…for me…"

"What," Xemnas asked.

"I need you to say them," Saix begged. "I need to know so…so it will hurt less."

"You deny me," Xemnas said, "and now you want me to say those three words." Xemnas let go of Saix. He grabbed one of his shoulders and turned him around. The two eyes met. Frightened and sad staring right into determined angry eyes.

"I love you," Xemnas said. Something was wrong here. Why did it sound like that? "I love you. I love you. I love you." Xemnas pushed Saix against the wall, forcing a hard kiss on the others lips.

Saix closed his eyes. It felt so real, but it was all so fake. Did Xemnas truly mean those words? Was this really legit?

"I want it," Saix said softly. Whether Xemnas heard him say this was unknown, but what he said after that; that, Xemnas did hear. Not that it stopped him. A moments pause, then he continued…

"I want to love you…,"Saix whimpered. "Even after this…"

* * *

Maybe it's just me, but are all my XemSai fics that messed up that there needs to be a rape scene or some sort of violent scene with them in it. I'm rereading this, and it just surprises me that they seem to follow the same sad equation. It's a real shame since I really enjoy this pairing.


	4. Breakthrough

Disclaimer- You know I don't own this...yeah. all characters belong to Square and/or Disney.

Authors note-So this chapter...there is so much to say about it. Originally, this chapter was extremely long, but it was cut to this shorter version. I felt that it was dragging a bit, so I put some of the content in chapter five, which will be out in a few weeks...hopefully. Now, I know I said that there would be some yaoi in this story, and there will, once we get past this chapter (the climax chapter), there will be a happy ending in store for all of us. Thats all I got to say...oh, and there is a bit ooc in this chap, but it's needed so there!

Mature much? Revised 8-5-2010

* * *

Three Words

Chapter 4

Not too long after the meeting that was held on that rainy day another was held as well. I t was another rainy day, another day without light, another rather boring day. The meeting was focused on Castle Oblivion and the members who were to be sent there. There were a few whines and complains, but in the end, nobody dare questioned their leader.

In total, six of the nobodies would be leaving the World That Never Was. And Saix wasn't one of them. It was no surprise, to everyone and to Saix as well. It became official for quite some time now that Saix and Xemnas were together. The two were always together; one would always be with the other. In fact, there was hardly an occasion were one would be caught alone. Everyone knew the superior wouldn't risk the dangers of sending his Saix to Castle Oblivion, even if Saix were talented in fighting and well armed with both weapon and intelligence, which he was. Nope, Xemnas decided it was still to risky, someone else would go instead.

As far as everyone was concerned, the two were happy. Xemnas had what he had always wanted, and it was beginning to show in the very way he lead. Xemnas, who had rules and agendas, was now less strict and harsh on his members. Nobodies managed to get away with certain things, and Xemnas was usually in a good mood to let them achieve this. But what about Saix? Did nobody bother wondering if he too was enjoying this wonderful relationship? Did anyone really care?

Well, a few did.

* * *

"You think he's alright," Marluxia asked loudly to Larxene.

"Not too sure," Larxene replied in a tone that was just as loud and annoying as Marluxia's. (But not as annoying as her usual) "Maybe if he talk to someone, you know what I mean right?"

"I do," Marluxia said, still loud, but in a more concerned tone. "But does he?"

The two nobodies glanced at Saix, who was sitting down, trying to relax. Xemnas wasn't around, a very rare occasion. After the talk with Saix a few days back, Marluxia had taken a liking to the other nobody. Perhaps he saw a bit of himself in the other? Or maybe it was all out of pity? Larxene wasn't quite sure, but when Marluxia asked for her advice and help, she decided to take action and find out what was wrong with Saix. She was rather unsure, as well as Marluxia, but she figured just maybe there was more to Saix than what she had seen the few years she had been in the organization.

Saix glanced over at the two nobodies. He knew what they were up to. He closed his eyes, remembering the conversation he had Marluxia, not the one he had that one night, but the one he had the morning after the …incident.

He remembered the morning after, the horrible morning after. He had felt so sick, so weak, so unwanting. He remembered Marluxia walking up to him and asking how things were. Marluxia, asking if he had talked to Xemnas, in a friendly manner with a smile on his face. A real smile too. For once, a fellow nobody decided to go and talk to him, for no apparent reason, but just to talk to him. And what did he do? Saix sighed. He didn't want to think about it anymore, he didn't want to dwell on the awful memories.

The two were obviously trying to help him. Their tactical approach wasn't all too graceful, but the two had good intentions. Unfortunately, Saix wasn't all that interested in the help, and he made it very apparent. He ignored the two, doing his best to not make any eye contact. Hopefully, no one else would arrive.

"Marluxia," Larxene said in a quieter voice, so that this time, Saix could not hear.

"Yes," Marluxia said. He seemed a bit disappointed. He was hoping his "plan" would work to get Saix to talk would work…

"Maybe he doesn't feel like talking right now," Larxene said. "Or, maybe, there is nothing wrong. I mean, Saix was always…a little off."

"I don't think so, not this time," Marluxia said his voice at a whisper. "Something happened that night…why else would he have been so-"

"So what," Larxene asked, though it didn't sound like she cared much anyway. "Think about Marluxia, think real hard; when has he ever wanted help from anyone?"

Marluxia was silent. He had no answer for that.

"Even better, when's the last time he's help any of us," Larxene asked. "I came here, not only as your friend, but in hope that maybe Saix wasn't such a-"

"Shhh, quiet down," Marluxia said cautiously. "He might here you, and I don't want to upset him, especially if he needs our he-"

"-Look, he obviously doesn't want to talk with us," Larxene said in her usual, annoyingly high pitched tone. She was getting angry. "I don't have all day for him to have some sort of epiphany, I'm leaving."

Saix turned and stared at the two…well, one nobody now. Larxene was bolting off with a red face. Marluxia was standing there dumbfounded.

Marluxia groaned. He was sure that Saix heard that…and everyone else in the castle. He blushed a bit while glancing at the Luna Diviner. 'That was embarrassing' was written all over his white face. Saix sighed and looked away from Marluxia. He couldn't believe Marluxia thought that would even work.

Saix sank into the couch and closed his eyes. Now what? He took a deep breath and let it all out. What was he supposed to do?

Saix heard footsteps. He groaned; Marluxia was never one to give up easily. Saix opened his eyes and pulled himself up from the couch. He stared at the nobody who was hovering above him. Once he caught eye of whom it was he stiffened up.

Xemnas.

He stared down at Saix, giving the blue haired man a very concerned look. Saix didn't like that look. It made him nervous.

"Xemnas," Saix said in a whisper. It was if he was afraid to say the others name. Apparently, Xemnas thought this as well, his somewhat calm face contorting into a frown. Saix looked up at his Superior, making sure not to break eye contact with him. No, he didn't even want to think of the possible consequences.

"Saix," Xemnas said, his voice still holding a bit of concern. He tilted his head a bit, looking at Saix's strange position. Saix was unaware of how defensive he looked at the moment, but Xemnas couldn't help but notice. Xemnas understood though, he knew it would take a while before Saix would submit over. He would have to be patient, so instead he brushed it off. "You seem surprised to see me."

"I am," Saix said. He put on a fake smile. "I thought you were someone else."

Xemnas smiled, whether or not it was real, Saix could not tell. He was too fixated on other things. Arms, eyes, the same things that caused him pain from before, the same things that he used to find pleasing or comforting, he jus couldn't look away from them. It shouldn't be like this. Saix's hand trembled; he buried them deep underneath his cloak.

"Saix," Xemnas said, leaning over closely to Saix.

"Yes," Saix said, managing to keep a somewhat calm posture. He stared at Xemnas' amber yes. They looked angry for some reason. Or was he just that paranoid?

"Relax," he heard Xemnas whisper. Xemnas placed his hand on Saix's shoulder. Saix immediately tensed up when he felt contact. He kept staring at Xemnas, every little piece of him. "I don't want you to strain yourself."

"I…," Saix trailed off. He couldn't believe what Xemnas had just told him. That was bull, if he-

"You know I only want what's best for you Saix," Xemnas whispered. Saix stopped thinking and paused. What that really it? Or was there something more to it?

"You may not understand now, but you soon will," Xemnas continued, "and you will be grateful."

Grateful? Was that what it was called?

Xemnas closed the gap between the two and gently pressed his lips to Saix's. It wasn't a deep kiss, but it was enough to surprise the hell out of Saix. He wanted to break away immediately; it didn't feel good at all.

"Xemnas," a voice asked.

Xemnas stopped and turned around. Saix glanced to see who it was. Marluxia stood there with a small smile across his face. Xemnas frowned and gave Number XI a very frightening look.

Marluxia kept on smiling.

"What is it, Number XI," Xemnas asked in a very uninterested voice. Obviously, the man had other things on his mind then dealing with the nobody.

"Well," Marluxia said in his oh-so-very-calm tone, "Not to bother, Superior, but I caught Luxord and Xigbar playing poker with Demyx, and the two are-."

"Why is this a problem," Xemnas asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Their playing strip poker," Marluxia answered in the most innocent voice ever imagined, "and Demyx is losing…as usual." Marluxia blinked, his eyes staring innocently at Xemnas. He looked like he had done no wrong, despite being known as very manipulative. But even still, despite all of this, he tricked Xemnas.

Xemnas sighed. He glanced at Saix, who, luckily, was staring back at him. Saix had realized what was really going on and did himself the favor of not making himself looked suspicious. Xemnas walked off, without saying a word. He didn't need to tell Saix anything, as far as he was concerned, Saix knew what he was supposed to do.

Marluxia waited until Xemnas had disappeared before taking a huge sigh of relief. He turned and faced Saix, who seemed just as relieved as Marluxia.

Marluxia smiled. "So, you gonna thank me?"

Saix frowned. "You shouldn't have done that," he said, "All you've done was get yourself in trouble." Saix gave quick glance at the stairs that Xemnas had walked down to. "Once he finds out, and he will-"

"Oh Saix," Marluxia said, "Since when have I ever been caught?" Good point. Marluxia chuckled, "knowing my luck, Luxord is probably playing Demyx right now, and since he always wins…"

"…Thank you," Saix said.

"Hmmm," Marluxia smirked, glancing at Saix with a look of pride.

"I really appreciate what you tried to do," Saix said. He felt his face warm up. This was unlike him.

"Well," Marluxia said, "you're very welcome!"

Saix expected the conversation to end at that point, but Marluxia had other plans. The pink haired nobody jumped into the couch, landing right on Saix's stomach. Saix sank painfully into the furniture while Marluxia made himself comfy. Saix glared angrily at Marluxia, his bright eyes piercing; Marluxia was unimpressed.

"You gonna tell me what happened or not," Marluxia asked, completely ignoring the fact that he was on top of Saix, and that Saix could easily rip him to shreds.

Saix frowned. Marluxia stuck his tongue at him as a reply.

"Immature," Saix said.

"Temperamental," Marluxia spat back.

Saix still didn't answer. He looked away from the other.

"You know, Saix," Marluxia began, "right now, I'm the only guy who will listen to you if you have a problem, you know that right?"

"What of it," Saix asked.

"I'm going to be leaving soon," Marluxia answered. "In a couple of days, the only guy who care is leaving."

Saix's eyes widened. Of course, he had completely forgotten about Castle Oblivion. Marluxia had been appointed leader, so that meant…

"Look Saix," Marluxia said, "I know you're not used to people caring, or helping you, or any of that stuff; but right now you have the option of knowing what it feels like to have…a friend."

Saix was silent.

"I don't think what's happening is supposed to be happening," Marluxia said. "You know, a couple of weeks ago, I could've care less what kind of mess you've gotten yourself into. Then, one night I decided to talk with you….and here I am." Marluxia shrugged his shoulders, as if he were the confused one. "I'm not telling you that you have to talk to me or anything, cuz you don't', but you're obviously not happy with being with Xemnas. You look really upset, and people who are 'in love' usually look happy."

"I don't _look_ happy," Saix asked, surprised.

"No, you don't," Marluxia said.

Saix thought for a moment. What could this mean? He never opened himself to anyone; he had always had that empty look in his eyes. He never smiled; he never showed what he was thinking. And now, he looked sad. Was it really that strong? Could illusions really be enough to make or break someone?

"Marluxia," Saix said.

"What," Marluxia asked.

"I need you to get off me," Saix said. "Now, I really…need to think about something."

Marluxia stared at Saix, but obeyed the nobody's order. He got off from Saix and watched in slight confusion, concern, and possibly fear as Saix got up from the couch and immediately disappeared into darkness.

* * *

...

For several hours, Saix had been sitting in the middle of the dark city, simply lost in thought. For the first few hours, he was walking, looking for something that probably didn't even exist, but whatever it was he didn't find it. Then he leaned against one of the empty buildings, upset over something. He had leaned against it for a couple of hours, and then it began to rain. Water poured on him, soaking his coat and causing his body to become heavy. He slowly began to sink, letting himself fall. So now he was sitting. The bright lights of the city were no longer on, an indicator that the day was now over. He wondered how long he had been out. Xemnas would be furious, angry, but he wouldn't show it. Not till they were in a private area…

Saix stared at the black sky. No stars, no moon, no clouds, no nothing. There was nothing there, and yet, not too far from this empty planet, there were many worlds. But how could that be if there were no stars? How was it that it was raining, there was not one cloud in the sky? Why was there no moon? Saix didn't know the answer to any of these questions, and it was really bothering him. He was so desperate for an answer right now. Any answer to a question would do, it would satisfy him.

He shivered. It was cold. The small drops of water that hit his bare skin were beginning to hurt. His coat was beginning to feel icy. Saix didn't want to go back inside that Castle; he covered his head with his hood. A minor reprieve, but it would have to do for the time being.

Saix closed his eyes, trying to find it. Trying to find the one thing that would make sense to everything, the answer to that one question. That one thing that would help him, that would make him see past all this stupidity, this horror, all of this garbage. He looked hard, viewing all of those past memories, those memories of that person that felt so familiar with him. He watched that life go by, the good days, the bad ones, and he kept searching. He kept searching until the day were the person's world was destroyed, were he lost his heart, when he became a heartless, and what was left became him.

But it was what he saw on those memories, those stupid memories that he hadn't bothered looking at in such a long time, which made him realize something. He had been in love, he knew very well what it was, and although he never had a chance to tell that person how he felt, he knew that person had probably loved him back. He knew.

Saix sank. He covered his face with his cold numb hand. He knew there was no one around him, no one to see him cry, but he really didn't care. For the longest time, he thought he knew everything, and what he didn't know Xemnas knew. But none of this made any sense. He felt warm tears stream down his face, he felt them as they formed, steaming hot, and felt them cool as they ran down.

"I want to," he whispered. He closed his eyes to tight that it was hurting. "I want to love him; I want him to love me. I don't want any of this." He opened his eyes. What little he could see was a real blur.

"I love you," he said quietly. "I…loved you."

Saix pulled himself up from the wet floor. A rather difficult task, fatigue had had set in, along with hypothermia, making something so easy become strenuous. He took a breath of cold air, sting his lungs. He looked around, trying to make out the figures that were around him. His eyes hurt.

"I did," He whispered. It was hard to talk. "I always did…even when I didn't know what it meant." It was true. He had loved him, but was just too dumb to recognize it. You have to have some feelings for that someone if you decide to be even a little affectionate with them. You have to care about them if you don't want to hurt their feelings.

"Xemnas," Saix said weakly, "I'm so sorry."

He really did. He had, but because of everything that had happened…

"I'm so scared," he said. "I'm so scared of being wrong right now, so scared that after this I'll hate you…and I'm so scared of you." He thought about Xemnas, those amber eyes that watched him as he was forced into sex that night, that horrible night where he was claimed and had lost so many things, his dignity being one of a few. But even after that, was there even a shred of love left for Xemnas?

No…not anymore.

* * *

"Is it just me, or is someone missing," Axel had said.

That was what started the search. At first, no one said a thing; there was only a laugh from demyx who thought Axel was making a joke about something that had happened during the day. Then someone actually counted. Saix was missing and the first thing everyone thought was literally "not again". This was only after Roxas had left, and now another nobody was missing. Xemnas didn't even have to give the order; everyone was already on the move.

After several finished searching the most obvious of spots, Xemnas became worried. Saix didn't get himself lost, which was obvious. He was smart. Even if he had, he could've easily teleported back to the castle.

But Xemnas didn't blame himself. No, he figured someone else was at fault, if there was someone to blame. He knew he couldn't have caused this.

But even after telling himself this, Xemnas couldn't help but feel guilty. Soon, he was out of the castle, looking for his Luna Diviner, wondering if he was still out there.

...

Saix wasn't sure when or how he returned, but the next thing he knew he was in his room. He was still soaked, his muscle ached, his throat was sore; there was something wrong with his eyes since everything looked blurry, he looked like a mess, but it was an improvement. He was warm, which was a blessing from heaven after sitting in the rain. He would be sick...if he wasn't already. Saix wanted nothing more than to sink into his bed and be left alone, but he was still wet and cold and knew he'd wake up with pneumonia unless he did something quick.

Saix hurried and undressed, unaware that he had left his door open or that everyone in the castle was looking for him, the only thing on his mind was hurrying over to Vexen or someone who could check him to make sure he wouldn't die in the next ten minutes.

"Saix," a voice called in shock and awe. Axel's voice.

Saix turned around and faced Axel. He stared at the shocked nobody. Like him, Axel was wet and shivering. His hair was a strange mess of drooping spikes.

Saix wasn't sure what to say. He had no idea what was going on.

"You're…here? You have got to be fucking kidding me," Axel said.

Saix wondered what Axel meant by that. He put two-n-two together and figured it out. He had been gone for quite some time. That wasn't good. Saix tried to think about how to explain to Axel….his head was hurting…..

He walked into Saix's room to take a better look at Saix. His eyes widened. "Holy shit, you're white as a sheet." Axel poked Saix's chest. "You're really cold, you know that?"

Saix stared at his chest, it looked pale and somewhat discolored, he wasn't all that sure since he was beginning to see double.

"Hey, Saix," Axel said in a concerned voice, "hey…hello, you ok?"

Saix stared at the red head…heads. He took a couple of short breaths.

Axel hurried over and grabbed Saix. Saix looked around his room. That was a lot of white, how come there was no color?

"Axel," Saix said. His voice sounded funny, at least to him it did.

"Yeah," Axel said in a very nervous voice.

"Tell…Xemnas I'm sorry and don't…be angry at…me," Saix said. He closed his eyes. He wondered why he had said that. Oh well.

* * *

Saix looked around. There was white. He squint his eyes and looked around. Nothing, there was just more white. Saix quickly realized he wasn't tired anymore and used the abundant amount of energy that he just mysteriously obtained, to get up and look around. He blinked a few times and glanced again at his surroundings. Nope, still nothing.

This wasn't too promising.

Saix wondered for a moment if he was dead or not. He had been told that once a nobody dies, they fade into darkness. He looked around. This didn't seem like…darkness. It didn't feel like it either. In fact, it was rather nice, peaceful even. Saix couldn't help but put on a small smile, he always figured he would be upset if he had died, or in a huge amount of pain at least. The fact that he felt absolutely nothing was a rather nice surprise.

Maybe Xemnas was wrong? After, how would he know what awaited them if he never experienced it himself? Saix swallowed hard when he thought of the man. Xemnas.

Saix stared down at his body. He wasn't so white anymore, his body was back to it's usual shade. He raised his hand and touched his face. He could feel the sensation when it made contact. Maybe he was dreaming? And it was at that moment did he look at himself and notice; he was naked.

Dead, he must be dead. Every book that described that final passage had something like this written down. Saix shook his head. He was beginning to wonder again…

"No…not dead," he said to himself. "Not yet." Saix closed his eyes and began to relax. He raised his head, breathing calmly. He couldn't be dead simply because he wasn't ready. There was so much he needed to do. Talk to Marluxia, he needed to finally talk to him. And…he needed to talk to Xemnas. He wasn't sure what he would tell them,

Saix opened his eyes. He looked around and noticed he was in his room, in his own bed. Was he still dreaming? The room was empty and quiet and he for some odd reason he realized he still wasn't awake.

He grabbed on to some of his sheets and thought about those hours he spent in the rain. That wasn't smart of him. The conclusion he had come to was obvious. The whole thing, altogether, would have been a waste of time to just about anyone. But what about him? How long would it have taken him to realize that he loved Xemnas, and that even though it may not be real, it was real enough? That even though nobodies can't feel, they can remember?

Saix, for some reason, had shut away all of those memories. Maybe he had been rejected, maybe the very memories he had now were lies he created? Saix stopped himself from continuing any farther. That was his problem. He needed to simply let go. If he had done that on the first day of becoming who he was, then things would have been so-

Saix once again stopped himself. Thinking about the past was difficult, and it wasn't his job either. He needed to focus on now. The future. What was he going to tell Xemnas? Did he still love Xemnas? Could he? Of course, but would he?

Love was…an _interesting_ thing. For the longest time, he hid himself away from everyone. And now, was he really going to open and become someone new?

"_Go ahead and hide your emotions, I'll express them for you."_

Saix shivered. Xemnas could be cold and emotionless.

"_Surely, you don't want it to get any worse"_

He could be cruel, awful, terrible, heartless, a real monster.

"_Tell me…you love me"_

But he could be so much more. If Saix gave Xemnas the opportunity, he knew the other would be there for him, no matter what. Not as a Superior or as a friend, but as a committed lover.

Those three words. That was all Xemnas wanted, and it was all Saix wanted, but neither was willing to say it without the other. Xemnas could say it, but only if he knew it would have a reply. Saix knew he would have to be the one.

Three words, really strong, powerful words.

"I love him," Saix said. "Even after all of this, I will always…love him"

Saix took a deep breath. For a moment, he was sure it felt real. Saix sighed, smiling. He was tired now. Saix wondered if just maybe, he was dying. He sank into his bed, it felt really soft.

Don't fall asleep.

But Saix closed his eyes.

"I…got to tell him…when I wake up," he whispered to himself as he dozed off.

* * *

I never intended this story to be long. So, the next chapter will probably be the last. Lets hope for one hell of an ending, righto? Please tell me what you think, and go ahead and say your opinion-good or bad- I can take them.


	5. Talk

Auothers note- **Before you read this chapter**, there are a few things you need to know. One, this is not the last chapter, it is part one of the last chapte r(does that make sense). Two, part two will be released in mid August, sorry but I'm leaving for a while. Three, yay...I made it this far! Four, after this story is done I'll make another XemSai fic. The story will have a lot of..."opinions", but it was made for your criticism, so when it comes out I want you all to read it. That's all.

Disclaimer-Yeah yeah yeah...

*points at AN* Gee...already promoting "What Next?"...nice to know I was always a whore for hits and reviews.

* * *

Three Words

Chapter 5

Xemnas stared blankly as he watched Marluxia being dragged from his office by Xigbar and Xaldin. He refused to looks away from the Graceful Assassin, who was giving him the most distrustful look he had ever laid eyes on. No, he would not look away from this man, this sorry excuse of a being who had the nerve to walk up to him and call him out in front of his subordinates.

He frowned when Marluxia struggled and pulled away from the two, successfully breaking away from their grasp. He stared angrily at them, as if he had been betrayed by them somehow. The two nobodies frowned, unsure whose side to take at this point. Marluxia didn't speak, he them gave one last death glare at Xemnas before uttering the worst words a nobody could say to his all powerful superior;

"You don't deserve your title", Marluxia spat before stomping off.

Xemnas didn't utter a word as the nobody disappeared from his sight. He stood there, in his own world, not responding to reality, not even when Xigbar and Xaldin stared at him with an odd look on both of their faces and asked if he was ok. He just stared at the empty hall where Marluxia had once been and after a while, sighed.

Xemnas ordered the two nobodies away and told them to tell the others that he was not speaking with anyone. He closed the doors, not letting anyone near, not even for an emergency. He sat down in his chair, his body slowly sinking deeper into it, and thought about what Marluxia had said. He thought really hard, and towards the end it made sense. And in the complete end, he came to the simple conclusion;

"He's…right," Xemnas said.

He covered his face

* * *

Pain. Saix whimpered as the horrid feeling quickly spread across his body. No sooner did he close his eyes…god, this sucked. Saix groaned again as he felt his muscle tighten, without permission, creating a hot sharp pain. Well, he was awake. Saix sighed, figuring it was better to wake up now rather than attempt to try to fall back to sleep. Saix slowly opened his eyes and looked around, wondering how long he had been out. He could hardly recall what had happened, what he assumed, the night before. He remembered the rain and the thinking and Axel was there…telling him something, something important because his face had looked so serious. Unfortunately, Saix couldn't remember.

Saix blinked, noticing that he wasn't in his room. Instead of white wall, he was greeted with a blue curtain, surrounding him and the small bed he was in. Saix pulled himself up and looked around. He noticed how stiff his muscle were, which would explain the awful contraction. He looked down and noticed the small bed he was in wasn't his. The sheets weren't white and black, but were instead a light blue with gray. The sheets were tightly tucked in too, as if to keep him from moving around. Saix then realized he was in the resting ward…which meant something had happened to him.

Saix wondered if maybe he should get up and find out what was going on. Saix couldn't remember what had happened, and being here wasn't making him feel any better. He couldn't hear anyone, but he was sure he wasn't alone. He was just about to lift the thin sheets when he noticed the worst; tubes- attached to his arm. He stared at the small, thin tube, his eyes trailing up to the plastic bag full of clear liquid that was also attached to it.

"What happened…," he finally asked himself.

There came a strange sound; the sound of the curtain being pulled over. Saix turned and saw Vexen, who had a somewhat surprised look on his face. The two stared at each other for what seemed like a good while, both surprised.

Vexen broke the silence. "You're awake," he muttered. He walked over to the bed and stared at Saix. "Well, that's good." He didn't sound very interested.

"What happened," Saix asked right after Vexen stopped.

"What do you mean by that," Vexen asked in an almost bored voice.

"Last night," he said. "I can't remember all that well…what had happened before I passed out…and-"

Saix stopped talking when he noticed the strange look on Vexen's face. For once, the man seemed very unsure.

"What," Saix asked.

"Saix," Vexen said, "You've been out for nearly a week. For the last six days, you were in a coma-like state, no matter what we did, you wouldn't wake up."

Saix held his breath. He had been out that long? Saix felt himself immediately grow faint. It didn't feel like that many days had passed. He figured he was asleep for maybe a few hours. Vexen noticed Saix's concern, but didn't seem to care, or show it if he did.

"Honestly," Vexen said, "I didn't think you would come out of it. There was some brain activity, but I was sure it would cease after some time." He grabbed a clipboard and read a few lines. "For the most part, I just gave you the simple necessities that would've kept you comfy till…" his voice trailed off. Well, that was nice of Vexen…

"I'm awake," Saix said.

Saix winced again. He felt that icy jolt run through his arm. Vexen stared at Saix, taking note of his visible pain.

"Yes, and congratulations," Vexen said. He dropped the clipboard and let it fall to the floor. Vexen was just about to leave, but something stopped him. Vexen turned and stared at Saix.

"What is it," Saix asked.

"You were dreaming," Vexen said in a very interested voice.

"And," Saix said.

"Well, for the most part, it's no big deal," Vexen said. He grabbed a syringe and a small bottle with a letter "V" written on it. Vexen looked at Saix curiously. "But…the fact that you were constantly muttering in your sleep…about a certain someone, that's what I find interesting."

"And by that, you mean-"

"It really makes me wonder," Vexen said. He put the syringe in the bottle. Saix watched as the syringe was slowly filling up with liquid. "I didn't know we could care that much. I honestly thought, if anything, we were driven on more primal feelings than the feeling of love."

"Love," Saix said.

"Yes," Vexen said, "and despite all of this, I afraid I can never tell the superior." Vexen sighed. "Something like this might drive him to do something insane, he's already desperate enough to get a heart…if I were to tell him what I've seen from you…"

"Xemnas," Saix said. Saix remembered what he had said while he was asleep. He wondered if Vexen had heard any of that. Sure he was muttering, but maybe it was far too incoherent for him to understand. But with his luck…

"So," Vexen said with the needle in his hand, "On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you currently experiencing?"

Saix ignored the question. "Where is everyone?"

"Visiting hours is between one and five in the afternoon," Vexen said.

"What time is it," Saix asked, unaware that Vexen was getting a bit impatient.

"Six," Vexen answered

"In the evening," Saix asked.

"In the morning," Vexen replied.

In the morning… Saix wanted to see him. He couldn't explain why, other than possibly…

Love? Maybe? Saix shook his head, not because he didn't think so, but because the idea just seemed so cliché.

Saix glanced at the small bottle that was placed near his bed. It was Vicodin, a pain reliever…and a really strong one too. He needed to stay awake…and alert. He was in some pain, his muscles were stiff, but it would be worth it in the end.

"Don't put that in me," Saix said, looking away from Vexen.

"What," Vexen said, making a face.

"I'm awake, and the last thing I want is to fall right back asleep," Saix commented. He turned his head and faced Vexen with a dark look in his eyes. "I do not need it." He knew he wouldn't be able to fight back, but he hoped this simple threat in his eyes would be enough. He wanted, needed to stay awake.

Vexen sighed. He left the room, leaving Saix alone. Good riddance. Saix couldn't help but wonder why Marluxia liked the man. He wasn't very kind…or social…or even appealing. He stared at the curtain opening.

It was a strange hope of his; he knew he wasn't all that popular with the members, so assuming he would get a visit was a really dumb idea. But he had to hope, hope that the person he wanted to see would come.

He'd just have to be patient.

* * *

"You wanna explain to me why you were out in the rain," Axel asked Saix, leaning close to the nobody.

Saix backed away a bit.

"I got one," Demyx said smiling.

"Shut up Demyx," Larxene growled.

Saix glanced at Demyx and Larxene, astonished that the two hadn't destroyed the small area yet. Axel waved his hand in front of Saix's face to get his attention back from the two.

"So," he said, "tell me."

Saix couldn't help but ask. "Why?"

"Well, it's kind of weird when someone goes missing in stormy weather and then collapses when he's found," Axel said. "Oh, and by the way, thanks for making me look like a hero, it was great." Axel smiled proudly at himself. "Nothing like getting away with all kinds of shit."

"You're…welcome," Saix said. It sounded more like a question than a statement, but Axel didn't seem to notice…or care.

"You wouldn't believe the stuff I got away with," Axel said. "Xemnas wouldn't dare call me a traitor now, especially after all this."

Saix blinked when he heard the name.

"Xemnas." He asked.

"Yeah," Axel said, "Up until now, I was on his bad side, especially after Roxas ran off, but now I'm totally cool with him."

"Yeah…except I can't get away with anything anymore," Demyx muttered.

Larxene rolled her eyes. Saix glanced at her and wondered why she was here. Larxene wasn't real good friends with Axel or Demyx, so it was odd seeing the three of them together. If anything, she usually hung out with Marluxia.

"So, Saix," Demyx blurted out, "Were you trying to run away like Roxas?"

"Don't be stupid," Larxene said to Demyx.

"Well, that's what everyone is saying," Demyx pointed out. "They all said you were tired of the treatment you were getting with-"

"Hush," Larxene said…demanded.

"Well, excuse me princess," Demyx said.

"That's what they're saying," Saix asked. He turned to Axel.

"Don't look at me," Axel said innocently, "I thought you two were ok with each other…?"

Demyx leaned on Saix's bed. "Marluxia said Xemnas was treating you like-,"

"-Nobody knew this until after you were found," Larxene said. "Only Marluxia and I had suspicion, so don't think badly of anyone."

"So does this answer the whole rain question," Axel asked.

Saix frowned, "yes."

"I don't believe it," Axel said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You two were always together."

"By force," Larxene said. She looked at Saix. "So I guess Marluxia was right all along," she said.

"Where is Marluxia," Saix asked.

"In his room," all three said in unison.

Saix frowned, "his room?"

"He's in trouble," Demyx said.

"Idiot was shrewd enough to walk up to Xemnas and humiliate him in front of everyone," Axel said, smirking just a little.

"He did what," Saix said, his eyes widening.

"And if that wasn't enough, he kept on going even when he was sent to Xemnas' office," Axel said. "I could here them arguing in my room…it was hilarious."

Saix couldn't believe what he heard. Marluxia didn't like Xemnas, but to something so rash? "Why would he do that," Saix asked the three.

"Who knows," Axel shrugged.

"Well, he and Xemnas really never saw eye-to-eye with a lot of things," Demyx muttered.

"Maybe he was trying to help you," Larxene said.

Saix went with the third possibility. He stared at Larxene. "Tell me," he asked, "what did Xemnas do?"

"What do you mean," she asked.

"He didn't," Saix trailed off. He didn't want to think that Xemnas was anything less than kind, even though he had seen otherwise. But Saix was desperate to see the good in Xemnas, so the last thing he wanted to here was that Xemnas did-

"He didn't do anything," Larxene said, "In fact, nobodies really heard or talked to the guy in a while."

"The guys been really moody," Axel said. "Hardly ever leaves his rooms."

"Marluxia just refuses to leave on his own accord," Larxene said.

"He's just being stubborn," Demyx said.

Saix hadn't heard a word of this. He was preoccupied with the idea of Xemnas, alone in his office or room. What was he doing? Was he upset? Did he feel guilty?

Was he ok?

* * *

"Xemnas," Vexen said as he appeared from the dark portal. He looked around the dark room, trying to spot his superior. Vexen has his hood on, as if to protect his identity, just in case. As if it would do him any good.

"Number IV," he heard is leader mutter. He stared at the table and saw his superior leaning against it. His amber eyes, which were practically glowing in the dark room, were staring right through him.

Vexen held his breath.

"Why are you here," Xemnas asked in a very dark tone. He glared at Vexen. "I'm pretty sure I informed all of you to stay out of this room." Vexen noticed that one of Xemnas' gloved hands were in a tight fist. "I'm assuming you have a reason why you would disobey this order. A good one, if you wish to leave this room in one piece."

Vexen let that breath of his escape. He relaxed a bit and faced his infuriated Superior.

Three simple words.

"Saix is awake."

Xemnas stopped glaring. He looked down, unsure about something. Vexen could care less, as long as it didn't affect him. He heard Xemnas whisper something, but he had no idea what it was.

"He awake," Xemnas said, louder.

"He's been awake for a few hours now," vexen said. "He seems to be stable, and he's just as defiant as before."

"A few hours," Xemnas asked. He stared at Vexen with a very peculiar look.

"I'm sorry for not informing you earlier," vexen said.

"Why would you refrain from telling me this," Xemnas asked. He looked at the window pane and stared at the dark sky. "I need to be aware of these kinds of things."

"I thought it would be best to discuss it with the other members, to see if we should or should not enter, since you did tell us to stay out," Vexen said in defense.

Xemnas ignored the statement.

"I'm terribly sorry," Vexen said, "but at the time-"

"Number IV," Xemnas said in an irritated tone. He was still looking at the dark, starless sky.

"Yes," Vexen asked.

"You have permission to leave," Xemnas answered.

Vexen hadn't asked for permission, but he did as he was told. He knew it would be pointless to argue with a man ten times stronger than him.

Xemnas looked own at his empty city. Saix was there, for hours and hours, just keeping to himself. Xemnas focused at the center of the city and stared at the huge skyscraper. Had he been there all along? Or did he pick a small alleyway to focus his anger on? Xemnas could only imagine, after all; the whole world only consisted of this castle and the city, and this world wasn't small in the least. He could've gone anywhere, but the point was this; he left. He left and hid in order to get away from….

Xemnas hit the window, hard, with all his strength. Despite the fact that the window was bullet proof and rather thick it shattered. He pulled back, staring at his now blood soaked fist. He felt no pain, his body was in shock, but he still felt frustrated. It wasn't fair at all. (Don't worry, it was his left hand)

He removed the glove, wincing at the horrid image of cut flesh, purpled skin, and exposed tissue. Still, no pain came to him, even though he was very aware of what was going on. He held his breath and swallowed.

Would Saix be waiting for him?

He leaned against the cracked window, the part that was stable enough to support him, though another blow would probably destroy it. He blinked, and was surprised to feel warm water slide down his face. He didn't wipe it off, didn't move from his position, didn't break down and cry. He couldn't, what good would it do? He was the Superior; he was responsible for all sorts of things. Taking care of Saix, that, to an extent, was one of them. And he failed. He failed and made Saix's life hell and it took him till now to see it. Vexen had lied, he simply didn't want Xemnas to approach the Luna diviner. And he was wise to do so…

Xemnas was literally split. He loved Saix, as much as he could love. He also hated him; he disobeyed him and was in emergency care because he decided to disappear. Xemnas felt more tears slide down his face. He felt so very torn. Did Saix feel this?

He pulled himself up from his apathetic position. He stared at the doors that lead to the many halls that leads to the resting ward that…

He bit his lip. What would he do when he got there? Could he really just approach Saix without some sort of negative repercussion?

Xemnas took a step toward the doors. He still loved Saix, and he figured that, even though things weren't going exactly as he had hoped, maybe he could right this wrong with it. And even if Saix hated him forever and never spoke to him again, it would still be ok. He lived without Saix before; he would learn to live without him again.

Xemnas didn't want it….but it seemed like the most logical outcome.

* * *

Saix groaned when he opened his eyes. He fell asleep. He had made a big deal about staying awake, he rejected painkillers despite being in pain, and he stood awake when the three most annoying nobodies decided to visit him, but he still fell asleep.

He shrugged. Well, he did feel better, though his legs were still a bit stiff.

Saix wondered what time it was. He couldn't see the clock; the curtain surrounded him, and it made him feel a bit agitated.

"Vexen," Saix called.

No answer.

Saix called again.

"Vexen left a while ago," a voice yelled back. It was Zexion's voice.

"Zexion," Saix called to Zexion.

"Yes," the nobody replied.

"What time is it," Saix asked.

"Well, "the voice said. There was a brief pause. "Its Six in the afternoon," Zexion answered. Another pause. "Why," he finally asked.

So it was too late. Saix frowned. "No reason," Saix said, "I was just curious."

"No, I get it," he heard the nobody say, "You're bored…nothing happens down here, and you're stuck in that bed all day."

Well, now that you mention it…

Saix sank into his bed and sighed. He closed his eyes. Maybe he'd come tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, or never. He should just fall asleep and pray when he wakes up, it won't be today.

"What the hell happened to you," yelled Zexion.

Saix opened his eyes. Well, he managed to rest for about a minute He stared at the curtain, wondering what or who had caused Zexion to yell like that.

"Jeez, what did you do," he heard Zexion say, "play bloody knuckles with Edward scissor hands or something?"

Saix made a strange face. What the hell-

Saix jumped a bit when the curtain was suddenly pulled to the side. He stared at the tall nobody that he wanted, yet dreaded, to see so badly.

Xemnas.

Saix felt dizzy. He was here. He was here. Well, he was here. Saix felt his throat tighten a little. He felt so…strange. Everything he had planned to say, that he wanted to say. It all went down the window at that moment.

"Xemnas," Zexion said. He was right behind him. "Listen to me, you got to leave Saix alone right now and let me see that-"

Saix stared at Xemnas, very unsure of what to say or do. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He felt himself beginning to shiver. He was feeling more and more light headed. He was scared, but of what, he wasn't sure. He was happy, but he was also angry. He wanted to run away.

But it was rather interesting; to Saix at least, that Xemnas appeared to have the same problem. His face looked sad; he looked like he went through a lot of trouble just to be here. His eyes were mixed with all sorts of emotions, even though he couldn't feel. He looked confused and unprepared. Saix wondered if he looked liked this too.

The two just kept staring at the other, unable to break eye contact.

"Xemnas," Zexion said in a more stern tone.

Xemnas broke from his spell and turned to Zexion. His face went from confused to annoyed in a second.

"Let me look at that," Zexion said in a voice that sounded more nervous than concerned. "I need to make-"

"Number VI," Xemnas said in his usual, empty voice.

Zexion was quiet.

"I need to talk with Number VII," Xemnas said.

"But you-"

Xemnas stared coldly at his subordinate. Zexion soon bowed out of the conversation, leaving the two alone. Xemnas waited until Zexion was out of the vicinity before turning back to Saix.

Xemnas, slowly, walked over to Saix. The two kept on staring at one another, waiting for one to start.

Saix figured he might as well be the one to break the silence. He assumed it would be better if he apologized to Xemnas, seeing as his superior looked very distraught.

"Xemnas," Saix said weakly, breaking eye contact with the man. "Please-"

"I'm sorry…"

Saix stopped. He stared at Xemnas, who, surprisingly, had been the one to apologize.

Saix couldn't help but ask, after all, it was he who had caused all of this trouble, right? Right?

"What," he muttered; his face was full of hurt and confusion. "Why would-"

Xemnas stared at the floor. He looked ashamed.

"Why would you apologize," Saix asked.

"…."

"I don't understand," Saix said.

Xemnas looked up and stared meekly at Saix. Saix saw the small tears run down the others face and frowned. Xemnas was crying, silently, but he was still crying. It was something Saix had never seen before, and something he now wished he hadn't.

"Why…are you crying," Saix asked. He got up from his bed and leaned closer to Xemnas. The two were still quite a distance from each other. Saix went as far as he could; he was sitting at the very edge of his bed, confined due to the fact that he had all sorts of things still attached to him.

"I," he heard Xemnas say, "I shouldn't have...ever…I should've left you alone." Xemnas turned away. "I thought I knew better…" Xemnas roughly wiped away his tears, trying hard not to make himself break down anymore. He glanced at Saix and looked away.

"It's not your fault," Xemnas said. "Don't'….you were going to…but It never should've been…"

It wasn't fair. Saix stared haplessly at Xemnas, unable to talk to him or get near him. He wanted to tell him it was ok, he wanted to get closer…

"I'm sorry Saix," Xemnas said again.

Saix needed to know. "Why are you sorry," he asked. He had asked before, he wondered if Xemnas would answer him this time.

Xemnas took a breath.

"Because…"

"What," Saix asked.

"I hurt you," Xemnas answered, "I didn't get what I wanted, so I hurt you, broke you down, and watched you crumble, I let it all happen just so I could get what I want."

"Xemnas…,"Saix said.

"I forced you into doing something you'd never do, I made you think what I wanted you to think, I abused you and I made you keep your silence," Xemnas said with disgust in his voice, "if you don't think that's worth apologizing for…"

"But," Saix murmured.

"You don't have to defend my honor or innocence," Xemnas said, "I'm horrible, terrible, unworthy…"

Saix wanted to try to make this moment look less grim, he wanted to see the good in Xemnas. Saix felt himself sink. Xemnas was right about what he said.

"Saix," Xemnas said.

Saix looked up and stared at the upset nobody.

"I want you to know, what I did, it was out of love," Xemnas said. "I know that doesn't make it real or give it any right, but that's what drove me to seek you out that day."

Saix glanced at Xemnas' hand. It was soaked with blood and bleeding badly. Saix wondered how he couldn't feel that. How was he managing to endure all that pain?

"But what I did to you that one night," Xemnas said, looking very upset at himself, "that wasn't love. That was merely lust and jealousy. Don't let anyone ever confuse you like that the way I did to you."

"I forgive you," Saix said.

"…don't'," Xemnas said. He closed his eyes. "Don't be foolish and forgive me just because I'm your Superior. I don't want that. I don't want you to feel obliged for me either. All I want-

Saix stared at the tube that was attached to his arm, the only thing that was stopping him from leaving his bed. He wondered if the needle was in a vein or artery.

"- is for you to continue on without me," Xemnas said. He shut his eye tight at the words. He didn't want to let go of Saix. "Try to forget everything and continue life as is."

No. Saix frowned. He didn't want that. He wanted everything to be ok. Saix grabbed on to that small plastic tube, his hands wrapped around it. This was either a really foolish idea, or a really stupid one.

Saix whimpered a little when he yanked. He must've misjudged his strength when he pulled, he figured it would take a few tugs before it gave way, luckily it only took one.

(I want you all to imagine the pain he's in; that is real commitment)

Xemnas opened his eye out of sheer reflex after hearing Saix in pain. His eyes widened.

Saix got up from the bed with much haste. He glanced at his arm; the whole appendage was covered with blood. He didn't care he hurried over to Xemnas, his legs a little weary after not being used in such a while. When he was close enough he grabbed onto Xemnas, mostly for support.

Xemnas' eyes were glued on the wound. He couldn't believe Saix did that. The berserker could be brash, but this was just-

"I'm sorry," Xemnas heard Saix say.

"What," Xemnas said. He got upset.

"That wasn't a real smart decision," Saix said, wincing at the stinging sensation that was spreading all over his arm. "Don't be upset."

Don't be upset? Xemnas grabbed Saix by his shoulder and yelled.

"Why, why would you do that," he demanded. "Saix, why-I told you; you didn't need to-"

Xemnas stopped. Saix looked extremely upset.

He quieted down. "You shouldn't have done that."

Saix frowned, "I know."

"Then why-"

Saix wrapped his arms tightly around Xemnas. His face was pressed against Xemnas' shoulder. At that moment, things seemed to be ok.

"I forgive you," Saix said, almost whimpering the words. He wasn't going to cry in front of Xemnas….

Xemnas was silent. Why was Saix doing this? He shouldn't be doing this.

"I told you," Xemnas began.

"I don't care," Saix said.

"I don't want you to-"

"I love you," Saix said.

Xemnas couldn't believe it. Saix didn't just say-

"What," he said.

"I love you," Saix said again. "I know what you said…I know you probably think I have no idea what I'm saying either-"

"You can't mean that," Xemnas interrupted.

"I mean it," Saix yelled. "I know what you did, and I want to forgive you."

"Why would you say this," Xemnas said. He tried to pull Saix off of him. He couldn't believe this was real, though a part of him was begging it to be. Saix held on tight, he was much stronger than Xemnas at the moment.

"Because I love you," Saix said.

"Saix…"

"You said you wanted me to say them for you," Saix said, "You said you wanted to hear them more than anything else. Why, now, are you rejecting them?" Saix let go of Xemnas. He stared desperately at the man. "Is it impossible to believe that maybe, everything you've done might have benefited?"

Xemnas looked into Saix's bright eyes. He looked like he was going to burst into tears at any moment. It made him think of their meeting. It seemed so long ago.

"I said them," Saix said.

"You did," Xemnas replied.

"Now say them back," Saix asked.

Xemnas felt himself grow faint. He wanted to, he wanted to say them. But now he was unsure; how ironic. He wanted to love Saix, but he didn't want to hurt him. Was this a good idea?

Before he could say a thing, Saix grabbed on to Xemnas' (good) hand and pulled him close. The two met, their lips just barely grazing each other. Xemnas' worries left him and he pressed his lips close to Saix.

Xemnas felt an instant rush of energy. He forgot the whole conversation, his worries, and his fears. The only thing he could think of was claiming Saix again and again. His other hand, slowly, wrapped itself around Saix's waist. He pressed harder against Saix's soft lips, just begging for more passion. Saix seemed hesitant about it, but soon let the other in. Saix felt himself weaken as Xemnas began to quickly dominate him. Too weak.

Saix whimpered a bit when Xemnas left his lips and moved down to his neck. Xemnas, nipping and sucking on his neck, leavinf bright marks all over him, it Saix blushed. It was strange feeling, but it felt good. Siax felt Xemnas' hand trail around his chest, playing with the zipper. Saix could only imagine what would come next. Hopefully he would be ready for it.

Xemnas stopped. Saix was beginning to put more weight on him. Xemnas glanced at Saix arm. He had forgotten all about it. Xemnas gently touched the blood soaked arm. He could see the opening, the gash that was still leaking blood, it made him worry.

"Xemnas," Saix muttered. Xemnas couldn't help but notice the slight exhaustion in his voice.

"You're hurt," he whispered.

"Don't worry, I've dealt with worse," Saix said. He looked up at Xemnas.

Xemnas sighed. He wanted to be close with Saix right now, wanted to hear him moan and beg. But…he took another look at Saix's arm.

Hew could wait.

He could wait. The wound needed to be tended to first…

END OF PART 1

* * *

Also nice to see that my XemSai fics are full of ridiculous dialogue. Things never change, do they?

See you guys later. Please review...please. Oh and, Xemnas will tell him in the part 2, ok?


	6. Three Words

Authors note- Well, it's been a long couple of months. I always thought this story wouldn't be longer than three chapters...four at the most. Well, look at it now. I'm so proud of myself and you guys, we've freaking done it! It brings me much joy...and pain, to bring you the final installment of this story.

Disclaimer- I do not own the KH franchise.

Other authors note- Yes, I am a FFVI fan. Why do you ask?

Still whoring out...this time my favorite FF game...great.

8-5-2010

* * *

Three Words

Chapter 6

There was doubt in Xemnas' mind. A part of him believed what he had done to Saix might have made him believe that this was love. Rape was indeed a terrible thing, and he had done this to Saix on multiple occasions (this was censored though…). He pinned Saix down, told him he loved him, and he did what no good man would do to someone they loved. Perhaps Saix was damaged in some sort of way, maybe he'd been brainwashed by all that had happened. Xemnas grimaced at the very thought. This was a very possible notion. Who knew what had gone through Saix's mind that rainy night, that long week…

…And now Saix was sitting on a hospital bed, he arm being wrapped slowly and tightly, and when he and Saix made eye contact, there was absolute silence. It was so awkward for Xemnas, and all too confusing. He wanted to talk to Saix. He wanted to tell him how sorry he was and promise Saix the whole world. It killed him to look into those magnificent yellow eyes. Xemnas made sure this happened as little as possible by keeping his eyes on the wound. But it was so hard. He felt the soft skin, how warm it was getting now that Saix was fully alert.

Xemnas stood up after finishing up with the bandaging. Saix stared at his arm disdainfully; upset that the only he received from Xemnas was in the form of this cloth.

Xemnas remained silent, but found himself wincing just a little as the cold was beginning to affect his wound. By now, the pain was smarting him, and to make matters worse, the wound was beginning to burn.

"What about you," he asked while looking as his nicely bandaged arm.

"I wouldn't bother too much with the wound I've sustained," Xemnas said. He raised up his hand and stared at the bloodied up knuckles. "No, I will let it as it."

"You'll get an infection," Saix said. He looked up at Xemnas with a concerned look.

"I deserve to have it fester, "Xemnas said, "a small punishment for the things I've done to you." Xemnas tightened his wounded hand into a fist. "This doesn't even add up to the things I've done…"

"I've forgiven you," Saix said in an upset voice.

"But you shall always remember," Xemnas added. "And as will I-in memory and in the form of this."

"I can forget," Saix said defensively.

"Can you," Xemnas said doubtfully. "Can you truly forget the times I've forcefully claimed you? Will you forget the things I've said? Can you possibly forget the abuse you've sustained?"

Saix immediately went quiet. He knew it would be impossible to forget all those things. He knew they would last forever, and that for a nobody…who knew how long forever would last.

But Saix overlooked this possibility. He raised his head up and stared at his Superior. Would he never get what he wanted?

"You didn't say it back," Saix said. He stretched his arm out, his hand beckoning for his leader.

"No, I didn't…," Xemnas whispered. He stared at the white glossy hand that was out reaching for him. He glanced at his own hands, staring at them as if they did not belong. Gradually, he moved his hand closer to Saix and when he was close enough, he gently took hold of it.

Xemnas moved in closer, closing the gap between him and Saix. With his free hand, he pushed Saix close to him. Xemnas let go of Saix hand and instinctively embraced him. He closed his eyes and felt arms wrap around him, those frail arms that had tried to push him away just a week ago…

"I love you," Xemnas whispered into Saix's ear. "I love you so much…more than I really should be capable of." Xemnas squeezed Saix a bit as he tightened his grasp, possibly afraid of what was to come next. "I never felt this sure as a nobody," he continued, "No; I've never felt this sure in both lives…"

"Then let go," Saix said to his Superior.

"I will always remember," Xemnas said in despair.

"And so will I," Saix said. "But I can let go…"

"I don't want this cycle to continue," Xemnas muttered.

"We can remember together," Saix said desperately.

"I want you to forget as much as possible…"

"What happened before won't happen again…"

"And how can you be so sure," Xemnas asked. He sadly removed his grasp from the Luna Diviner. He stared down and waited.

"…I don't know," Saix answered, his whole constitution broken.

"Because it's impossible," Xemnas corrected. Xemnas withdrew himself from Saix, and the gap between the too began to widen.

"Xemnas…"

"Number VII," Xemnas stopped Saix. "I've lived in this world, capable of functioning without you." Xemnas stared at the miserable looking Saix and sighed. "I believe now its time to continue that lifestyle."

"But…"

"And it's for the better," Xemnas continued. "You'll live without me as I have without you, and you'll forget as much as you can…and you'll remember what you must…to protect yourself from such a thing ever occurring again."

Without taking a step closer, Xemnas lifted his arm and touched Saix lightly on the face. He lifted up Saix face, his expression not changing in spite of Saix's terribly disappointed expression.

Yes, it hurt, it Xemnas so much. But it had to be this way. Saix would heal and eventually, things would return the way they should be. Saix would

"Why can't we try," Saix asked.

Xemnas closed his eyes and sighed at his subordinate's determination.

"You really love me that much," Xemnas muttered eloquently. Xemnas lowered his head.

Saix grabbed hold of Xemnas' hand. He held in tightly in his grasp, not wanting to let go.

"Please…," Saix begged.

Xemnas leaned forward and placed a kiss on Saix's forehead. As he did he listened to Saix begin to cry helplessly.

It was over.

"Goodbye," Xemnas whispered to Saix. He moved away from the distressed man and sighed. He closed his eye, pretending as best as he could that he could not hear Saix calling for him.

* * *

1 month later…

"-and that is why Final Fantasy VI kicks VII's ass in every way possible," Xigbar said enthusiastically.

"Dude, that game sucks," Demyx whined," I mean, just look at the villain! He's a freaking clown!"

"Don't you dare diss Kefka/Cefca," Xigbar warned.

"I will-starting with his awful laugh," Demyx said immaturely, unaware that the Freeshooter had summoned his weapons behind his back.

Saix shook his head unenthusiastically as the two nobodies fought. This conversation had been going on for a good three hour now, which was a good 2 hours and thirty minutes more than he could handle.

"Hey, Saix," Xigbar called, "you in there buddy?"

Saix blinked and faced Xigbar. Had he heard that correctly?

"Yes," Saix answered.

"Give it to me straight; Sephiroth or Kefka," Xigbar said, raising a finger, "And I want a reason too!"

Saix couldn't believe Xigbar was asking him this. It had been an interesting few weeks…

"Well," Saix began, "if I to choose…I guess it would be Kefka. Unlike most Square Villains, he has no real sad past, no reason for him to be evil."

"Doesn't that make him less-"

"-He chooses to what he does simply because he enjoys it-unlike Sephiroth who does what he does out of anger and self pity." Saix stopped, wondering if anything should be added. "Oh, and Kefka isn't a clown; he portrays a jester."

"Yeah…well, Sephiroth has a seven foot sword," Demyx stammered in defense.

"Compensation," Xigbar said. "Check and mate."

"You guys suck," Demyx muttered. He sank into his chair and stared snidely at the two nobodies. Xigbar laughed. Saix rolled his eyes.

Yes, a great deal of changes had happened in the past month. For starters, half of the organization left on an important mission in an attempt to capture Sora. For about two weeks now the castle had been drastically silenced. The second biggest change was also the addition of a heart-shaped moon. Whenever Saix walked around the city, or gazed down upon it, he could see the huge object in the sky, floating high above the Alter of Naught.

And then there was Saix. The first week was the hardest…and the other members took note of his depression. Of course it started with Marluxia and Larxene; the two dragged him around the castle and would involve him in their daily activities. Although the two were the exact opposite of Saix, and the fact that everything they did made him feel rather uncomfortable (hey Saix, want to help me iron my hair? Want me to iron yours? No, are you sure? It would look nice…), he appreciated their purpose and… smiled at this. This eventually led to Axel and Demyx taking him under their wing, because they assumed Saix would lose his sanity and manhood after spending a week with those two. And from them came Luxord…then Xigbar…and on this list went. And now he was having conversations revolving around stupid topics such as the best Final Fantasy, the dumbest moments in history, and who had the best hairdo in the Organization. Well…it could be worse…

But as soon as he got to see the nicer side of his members they were sent away. Since then Saix found himself, completely unaware, bonding with Xigbar and Demyx, being forced into the oddest of conversations (odd being the strangest smell you've ever smelled conversation). Not that he minded…too much; he did find comfort in conversation, as long as the conversation was short and to the point. But when exactly did Xigbar see him as a friend?

"Good day gentlemen," Luxord said respectively as he walked into the small leisure room, "I bare good news from Castle Oblivion."

"What is it," Demyx asked curiously. He had gotten over the fact that Kefka was the superior villain.

"Sora has entered the castle," Luxord said with his usual proud smile. "And he has begun to climb his way up to the top level."

"That's great man," Xigbar said.

"Yes," Luxord said, "it will only be a matter of time before the Keyblade master falls into our grasp…"

"And we'll have hearts," Saix muttered.

"Exactly," Luxord said, unaware that Saix wasn't talking to him.

This was a joyous occasion, but unfortunately, Saix wasn't able to see this. The thought of him finally getting his heart back was no longer a dream. He was still upset, though he kept this hidden from anyone, and he knew if he ever got his heart back it would only make him feel worse.

And now it was a real possibility… Sora was a simple child, he would truly fall for the trap and it would only be a matter of time before he got his heart again. He would be complete….but he would also be alone. Saix mused over the frightening thought. He would know what true love was…

But he wouldn't be able to share it with anyone.

He could…he knew once he had a heart he would be able to fall in love. But he refused to accept anyone else. Xemnas….he….

Saix sighed.

"What eating you," Xigbar asked. He moved closer to the Luna Diviner. "You feeling ok?"

Saix nodded his head, lying to his concerned… friend.

"I'm just…tired," Saix lied, cleverly keeping his away from Xigbar. "I just had a mission…remember?"

"Ah, of course," Xigbar said with a nod. To him it made sense.

But to Luxord it was a different story. He knew the story of the strange love hate relationship between Saix and the Superior. For a while he questioned over why Saix would be so depressed when he should be so happy. It was a peculiar thing; love, and as one could assume, Luxord knew quite a bit of it. It didn't take him long to figure out the story, and to a certain extent, he felt sympathy for Number VII.

"I say," He said cleverly, "I haven't seen Xemnas or Xaldin in a while. Do any of you have a good idea of where I might locate the two- to share the news of our future victory?"

"They're in the Dark City," Xigbar said rather plainly. "Ridding of all those annoying heartless…I'd have joined…but y'know."

"Indeed," Luxord said. He turned to Saix.

"Saix, may I ask you to perform a favor for me," Luxord asked.

"What is it," Saix asked.

"Well, as you can imagine, I've exhausted myself from the travel," Luxord confessed with his smile still spread across his face. "Teleporting isn't as cracked up as it appears to be…that's the saying right?"

"I guess," Saix said questioningly.

"It would be very kind of you and a huge relief for me, if you could teleport down to the city and find the two, tell them the great news," Luxord said. "I'd go, but I'm much to tired…and I doubt I'd be able to fight off any heartless."

Saix didn't seem so sure about this. He hadn't spoken privately with Xemnas since…he didn't think this would be a good idea.

"Just tell them what needs to be said," Luxord said, reading Saix's face easily as if it were a children's book.

Saix sighed and nodded his head.

"Much obliged," Luxord smiled.

Saix slowly got up from his seat and began to conjure up a dark portal. As he did Luxord walked over and whispered quite sneakily, so that no one would notice;

"Don't let him get away…"

* * *

Saix had teleported himself right into the middle of the city, and from there he began to search. But much to his surprise he could not find his fellow nobody's in any of the regular area. He walked through thin alleyways, through long underground tunnels; he passed several empty restraints, passed a gothic supply store, a bookstore, a rather nice looking club that he'd never seen before, over a bridge, under the bridge…

Until he realized that he was in unfamiliar territory.

Saix liked being lost…to a certain extent. The part of the city he was in looked rather ghetto; the buildings appeared old and unstable, what little stores there were seemed to be run down and closed, and it rank of sewage. Saix groaned…he knew he was going to have to teleport his way back to the castle…that is…if he properly locate it. Saix looked up into the sky, astonished that the floating castle was nowhere in sight.

This could be a tad problematic.

Saix walked around the surrounding area. He could detect heartless all over, watching him carefully.

Saix summoned Lunatic and held his guard, waiting for the heartless to come out. He knew they would attack him, the unintelligent creatures ran on the simplest of instincts.

And as if they read his mind tons and tons of shadow emerged from the pavement floor. Saix smiled cruelly; this would only be too easy.

Saix swung his claymore, easily removing half of the weak shadows. A few shadow decided to be brash and jumped toward Saix; their claws out for him. Saix didn't have to worry over such a thing; he easily dodged the attacks and took them out bared- handed. He swung his huge weapon again; removing all visible shadow in the area.

But no sooner did he begin to relax did more heartless appear, this time Neoshadow. Saix groaned and tightened the grip on his sword. It took a few more hits, but Saix was able to take down the meddlesome creatures. One by one, the heartless faded away, and once again Saix was alone. Or was he?

Saix took a breath and sighed. He let Lunatic fall to the floor as he began to relax a little. He looked at the buildings in front of him. Nothing was there…

"Sa-"

Instinctively, Saix raised is weapon, turned around, and swung. His weapon made contact, but it shattered as it hit red glowing aerial blades, the only thing left was Saix's handle. Saix was shocked. He dropped his weapon as it began to fade away. He frowned at this, how he could have…

Saix looked up at his Superior.

Xemnas stood there, his face just as surprised as Saix's. He wasn't expecting that kind of welcome. He returned his weapon back to him and crossed his arms.

"Number VII…"

Saix looked down once again. He was nervous.

"What are you doing here," Xemnas asked. He looked puzzled. And nervous…

So he felt it as well…

"Number I," Saix muttered. He took a breath. "I have news…from Number X, about Castle Oblivion."

Saix raised his head up just a little, but refrained from making eye contact.

"Do you," Xemnas said in a very interested voice, "do tell."

"He was informed that Sora had entered the Castle and is now making an attempt to the top."

"Is he now," Xemnas muttered. Saix heard Xemnas chuckled, overjoyed to hear his plan was a success. Xemnas took a step closer to Saix, but didn't do nothing more.

"…Number I," Saix muttered.

"Is there something else you need to tell me," Xemnas asked. There was no hint of pain in his voice, not the slightest sound of regret…

Perhaps he was over the relationship…

Perhaps he forgot, he no longer cared anymore, and it was all part of the past…

"Nothing," Saix replied, "I have nothing else to inform you."

"I see then" Xemnas said. "Well, you may return to the castle…"

"…I," Saix mumbled.

"Yes Number VII?"

"I'm unable to locate the castle or any major land points from where I'm currently standing…"

"You're lost," Xemnas asked.

"It would seem so," Saix answered. This didn't look good.

Xemnas stared oddly at Saix before sighing. "Come with me."

If Saix had a heart…it would've stopped.

"I wouldn't want to be a bother…"

"You're never a bother," Xemnas said. He began to walk off. Saix stared nervously at his Superior; a bit unsure of what to do…he began to slowly follow, keeping his distance.

* * *

"You see that tall building over there," Xemnas pointed. Saix looked up and could se the tall skyscraper pointed up to the black night sky. Or was it day…? No, it was night; the city lights were turned off for a resting period.

"Yes," Saix answered.

"I assume you can teleport back from here then," Xemnas said. Without saying another word, or even to give Saix a chance to thank him, Xemnas walked off.

Saix turned around and watched as his Superior walked off into god knows where. Would he just let it end like this…? Saix knew if he didn't say something now…it really would be over. The distance between the two had grown so much in the past month. If he let him get away now…

Say something…anything…

"Xemnas!"

Xemnas, much to his surprise, stopped and turned around. He stared ominously at Saix, waiting patiently…

"….," Saix frowned. "…could you please inform Number III, as I have yet to locate him in the city?"

He couldn't believe it…just how pathetic could he be?

"I will inform Number III," Xemnas said. He looked a bit disappointed. "Number VII?"

"Yes," Saix asked.

"You are to inform me as either Number I or Superior," Xemnas said rather coldly, "do you understand?"

"….," Saix couldn't believe it…it really was over. "Yes, Number I"

"Very good," Xemnas said.

Saix frowned and immediately turned away from his Superior. He stared at the skyscraper and heard the sound of boots walking away from him. It was over; there was nothing left to think about. He could not love. He could not love. He could not love. He could not love Xemnas.

Saix stared up at Kingdom Hearts (it was far, but he could find it…). It would give him a heart soon, soon Sora would be in their grasp. Heartless would be destroyed and they would in turn release hearts. Kingdom Hearts would be complete… He would have a heart…

…and so would Xemnas.

"Xemnas," Saix called. He stared into the many dark alleyways, staring into the darkness in hope that there would be signs of movement. "Xemnas…"

Saix stared and waited. Please…don't let it be to late…

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, Saix saw a figure emerged from the darkness. He stared at Xemnas' worried look, his confused look telling Saix that there was still hope. He could see it in his eyes. He had to take action now…

"Saix," Xemnas said, his breathing hard from hurrying over.

"Kingdom Hearts," Saix whispered, "I…don't you…"

"What," Xemnas asked.

"I don't want a heart," Saix said sadly.

Xemnas' eyes widened in shock; how could a nobody say such a thing?

"How could you utter such a horrid thing," Xemnas asked/

"…I can't," Saix said weakly.

"You cannot…," Xemnas asked.

"…I can't forget," Saix said. "I can't forget…not now, not ever…and I can't stand it. I'm just a nobody; I shouldn't have to suffer this much. Imagine how terrible it would be if I had a heart?"

"…Saix…"

"If having a heart means I'll be alone and hurt forever, then I suppose I'd rather continue in a world of non-existence."

"You don't mean those words," Xemnas said frowning at Saix.

"I do," Saix said, rather confidently. He had that same stoic look on his face. The same look he had when Xemnas had approached him so long ago…

"…why would you condemn yourself so easily," Xemnas asked. He looked upset.

"…Because," Saix said.

"Because…"

"I don't want to know what it's like to truly love you…and never have those feelings returned," Saix said finally.

"…"

"It hurt so much for you," Saix continued, "it hurt you to not have it returned…I'm not as strong as you, Xemnas. I know I won't be able to simply forget it…"

"…," Xemnas bit his lip. He closed his eyes.

"What will you do," Saix then asked.

Xemnas was silent.

"What will you do once you finally receive your heart," Saix asked. "Will you forget about me?" Saix took a step closer to Xemnas. "Will you truly learn to forgive and forget?

"Kingdom Hearts is so close to awakening," Saix continued. "What will happen to us once we become whole?" Saix walked over to Xemnas, unafraid and rather confident.

Saix placed his gloved hand on top of his superior's shoulder.

"I'm afraid," Saix said.

Xemnas opened his eyes and looked up at his subordinate. He amber eyes were lined with wet tears.

"You shouldn't be afraid," Xemnas said.

"I will…always be afraid," Saix said. "But…I know you'll never hurt me. You'll never disrespect me. You'll never look down or use me…ever again."

"…How-"

"We'll always be unsure," Saix said, and we will never be a perfect pair. But I don't care about us being accepted."

Xemnas grabbed hold of Saix and embraced him. Saix felt tears run down his pale face even though he wasn't upset…yet. He was something…

"We won't always be happy together," Saix added, "we'll get upset and we'll blame each other…but we'll understand that's just how we are because we're not whole yet."

"…not yet," Xemnas muttered.

"We'll never really love each other," Saix finally said, "we can't love…but, if we start trying now…when Kingdom Hearts is finished; we will be."

"Saix…"

"I love you," Saix said. The tears had finally stopped and Saix felt that warm feeling inside of him. It was going to be ok…it would be ok…it wouldn't be perfect, no happily ever after…but ok.

"… I love you too," Xemnas said. More tears ran down his tanned skin. Despite being the intelligent, powerful, majestic leader that he was Xemnas couldn't help but bawl right now. He grabbed tight on to his wonderful diviner and buried his face into the other's coat.

"Happily ever after," Saix mumbled.

"…not yet," he heard Xemnas mutter beneath him. "…but I promise, soon, you'll have a real one." Xemnas lifted his head up and stared at his lover. "…Just be patient."

"I will…"

* * *

Saix stared down at that dark empty city without even the smallest hint of light. Well, aside from the moonlight…

Kingdom hearts took such a lovely form…a form that almost energized him. He looked up and stared at the glorious figure floating in the sky.

Soon, very soon, he would be more than just nothing…

No, correction, he was already more than nothing. He was something to someone, and that made him worth more than one could possibly imagine. True, he was nothing in the worlds that surrounded him, but he was something valuable in spirit. That was more than he could hope for…

"What are you staring at," Xemnas asked Saix. He had just entered the Luna Diviner's room and was quite curious to find out what had grabbed his lover's attention.

"Kingdom Hearts," Saix answered. He walked over and greeted Xemnas respectively. No kisses until later…

"I see," Xemnas said, "then I guess you'll be happy to here that the keyblade wielder is almost halfway through the castle."

"Is he," Saix asked hopefully.

"Yes," Xemnas said with his cruel smile. That smile would still make Saix a bit nervous, even now at this moment… "Namine is beginning to work her way through his mind as we speak."

"Brilliant," Saix said.

"Truly," Xemnas said. He too was now staring at Kingdom Hearts…the only hope left for their kind. But it wasn't all too bad; unlike the majority, the two had each other.

It was special.

Xemnas grabbed Saix's chin and gently turned the face to him.

"Would you mind," he asked. Yes, there was still fear and doubt between the two, mostly with Xemnas, and there would be for quite some time…

"I wouldn't," Saix answered. Saix knew better than to fear his Superior.

Xemnas smiled and gently kissed Saix on the lips. The eyes met one another and the two happily began to deepen the kiss. Xemnas tasted and Saix and quickly began to dominate his still innocent lover.

The two were only so eager to remove the others clothing, only too awed to view the other's wonderful body and feel the others texture and memorize the feeling of their body, the sounds the other made, the excitement of their faces.

They were never too eager to make love. They could do so much before the final act, as they called it, but once it was over…well, it was over. Xemnas and Saix made it last as long as they could, driving the other insane as they would slowly reach climax. Xemnas would hold on to Saix and Saix would make the loveliest sounds underneath him, and the two would kiss each other and try to connect as long as they could.

Tonight was no different.

But what they would always save for last, for when it was all over and there was only one thing left to say…

"I love you," Saix said, smiling his best smile.

Xemnas smiled back at his Luna Diviner. He grabbed on to that hot, sweaty tired body and embraced him.

"I love you," he whispered back.

They said it-those three words.

* * *

Well, it's been fun. For those who are wondering...no, I will not release the uncensored chapter four. For the most part...It's pretty much the same thing. Chapter three did it's job in informing you how dysfunctional these two are...so yeah. Now, first of all; I want to thank you all! Those who clicked on this story, who favored it and alerted, and those who reviewed: you all rock. Second; you all should read my other stories...hint hint.

And three; I hope you all enjoyed reading this story as much as I did writing it. Brinkmess is pleased...over n out!

Nice to see Luxord in this fic...helping out Saix. When he's not a main character, he's trying to be one.


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